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Dear Chipotle Mexican Grill

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010


July 27, 2013


Chipotle Mexican Grill, Inc.
1401 Wynkoop St., Ste. 500
Denver, CO 80202


Dear Chipotle Mexican Grill,

I’ve never eaten in one of your stores, but then I’ve never really had a reason to until recently! Yesterday I heard tell of a thing called a “quesarito” and this gave me pause. It was describes as a quesadilla wrapped around a burrito. Two layers of tortillas with cheese between them surrounding the contents of a burrito! It would take unicorn meat to make this thing sound any more perfect. (I am salivating as I write this!)

I am normally quite a skeptic. I don’t believe anything I can’t verify on the internet, and surprisingly, the internet says this is true! (I haven’t checked snopes yet though.) So I feel a bit silly even asking about the quesarito, but I have to know how one goes about ordering this thing. Is there a secret handshake (and if there is will the employee wash his hands after)? How much can I be expected to pay?

Unfortunately, the internet says there is no such thing as unicorn meat, so I suppose I will get chicken, but with enough cheese I think I can get by! Just let me know how to go about ordering this bad boy!


Sincerely,


Christopher L. Jorgensen

This site in book form. Buy it now!

Reply:

CHIPOTLE
MEXICAN GRILL


CHIPOTLE MEXICAN GRILL, INC.
1401 WYNKOOP STREET, SUITE 500
DENVER, CO 80202

MAIN 303.595.4000
WEB chipolte.com

Christopher L. Jorgenson
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA. 50010


April 7, 2013

 

Dear Christopher,

Thanks for writing in. My name is Nathan and I work with our Customer Service team in the corporate office.  I can say that here at Chipotle we strictly prohibit the killing and/or use of Unicorn meat in any of our food.  With this being said, the Quesoritto is a real thing that has caught a fire as of recently.  Though you may not find it on our menu, you may order by first singing the Quesoritto song, followed by the Quesoritto dance.  Or, you can always just ask for it and our team members should know how to make it.  If they are confused, walk them through it and I promise they will help you get that magical burrito just as you want it.  Depending on how you order it, the charge my vary. if you use only a single tortilla (i.e. cheese melted on the inside of your burrito) the charge is the same as a burrito. If you choose to use two tortillas, expect to pay for both the quesadilla and the burrito.

Best of luck on your quest for the Quesoritto.  We wish you all the best in your wonderful journey.

Sincerely,

[signed]

Nathan [Redacted]

Customer Service
Chipotle Mexican Grill

P.S. Please don’t eat Unicorn meat. That’s not cool.

Chipotle Mexican Grill website: www.chipotle.com

Scan of the letter from Chipotle Mexican Grill

Commentary:

Update: I’ve redacted Nathan’s last name at Nathan’s request. He seems like a cool guy and asked nicely, so I complied. I have told assholes to go fuck themselves in the past, but Nathan doesn’t seem like an asshole, so I did redacted his name. I’m not sure why he wanted this, since I think his reply was something to be proud of. I really hope it caused him no grief. There are too many cogs in this world. We need more people with humor.

Anyway…

I first heard of the quesarito (or Quesoritto if you prefer Nathan’s spelling) here: The Mystery Behind Chipotle’s Secret, 1,500-Calorie Super Burrito, but of course the top hit for that term is now an article on Buzzfeed. I won’t link to those guys because they are always taking other people’s content and getting more milage out of it than the original authors.

Anyway, the girlfriend/editor/typist wants to point out that Nathan “has no idea what month it is, much like this site’s author,” and she’s right. It hasn’t been April for like nine months!

Nathan and I will have to agree to disagree on the whole unicorn meat thing. I think unicorn would make awesome Quesorittos!

I’ll post a picture if I ever do manage to get a Quesoritto. It’ll probably be chicken though, since Chipotle doesn’t serve unicorn meat. Unless that’s just a trick and it really is on their secret menu.

By Christopher L. Jorgensen

Website: http://jackassletters.com

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Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

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