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Dear Double Bubble

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393


June 16, 2008


Double Bubble
c/o Concord Confections LTD.
345 Courtland Avenue
Concord, Ontario, Canada
L4K 5A6


Dear Double Bubble,

I think you should come out with a commercial with witches chewing gum and chanting:

Double, double toil and trouble;
  Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

They could be mixing up a batch of gum while doing it. See, the quote has “Double Bubble” in it and such a commercial would go over great with the English major types! And the best part is since Shakespeare’s dead you wouldn’t have to pay him any royalties!

Oh, and I tried to send you my idea using your internet webpage, but all I got was a page that said:

The requested URL /contact.html was not found on this server.

This is kind of annoying. A broken link right on your main page! You should fire your webguy. Why are you making is so hard for people to contact you? What are you TRYING TO HIDE!


Sincerely,


Christopher L. Jorgensen

 

 

 

Sponsor:

Reply:

Tootsie Roll Industries, LLC
7401 South Cicero Avenue • Chicago, IL 60629 • (773) 838-3400
Fax 773/838-3534


June 26, 2008


Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393


Dear Christopher:

Thank you for writing.  Our consumers are loyal, and consequently, we do on occasion receive letters of suggestion from the public.

Our product research and development, as well as marketing and advertising, are all internal, and so we do not accept outside suggestions.

We, of course, realize that you wrote to us with the very best of intentions, and we do appreciate your interest in our company and our products.

Sincerely,

TOOTSIE ROLL INDUSTRIES, INC.
for Concord Confections

[signed]

Janet M. Vasilenko
Consumer/Public Relations
Administrator

 

 

 

 

 

 

Double Bubble website: www.dubblebubble.com

Scan of the letter from dDouble Bubble

Commentary:

My first thought was, “I wrote Tootsie Roll?” My second thought was, “I sent a letter to Canada when I could have just written Chicago? That’s forty cents wasted!” My third thought was, “Not even a coupon for a freaking Tootsie Roll or for some bubblegum? Cheap bastards!” My fourth thought was, “I think too much.” I didn’t have a fifth thought.

Shhhhh! It’s all hush hush at Concord Confections. Everything is done internally and they don’t want your ideas! I actually kind of find this sad. I understand the reason behind this, because once that Macbeth bubblegum commercial comes out I am suing them for millions! Ok, not really, but in the unlikely event they did come out with such a commercial, I sure could try. Or at least I could if I was an idiot (oh, wait). I did think I had a clever idea, but then I’m not in marketing.

And seems to me whomever wrote this letter (I’m looking at you Ms. Vasilenko) isn’t either. I never mentioned anything about a Tootsie Roll. I had no idea why I was even getting this letter, well, unless one of my other personalities wrote Tootsie Roll. Their response not only failed to address any part of my letter, other than to tell me to, stick that in your pipe and smoke it, it failed to even mention the product I was writing about! I wrote “Double Bubble” bubblegum, not “Tootsie Roll!” And this really sucks, since now I can’t write the letter about how it took me 5 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop!

Oh, and the contact URL is fixed. Guess they got a new webguy!

By Christopher L. Jorgensen

Website: http://jackassletters.com

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Ames, IA 50010

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