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Dear Jeff’s Naturals Sliced Tamed Jalapeños

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010


February 25, 2013


G. L. Mezzetta, Inc.
105 Mezzetta Court
Department 4
American Canyon, CA 94503

Dear Jeff’s Naturals Sliced Tamed Jalapeños,

I think mating a jalapeño with a bell pepper is an abomination of nature! Who would think to do such a thing? It’s like cats sleeping with dogs or the lion laying down with the lamb! I’m pretty sure the bible says these things are bad and I doubt a tamed jalapeños is what Jesus (or even Jose) would eat. A harmless jalapeños is like a skinny pig; there’s nothing natural about this idea.

Not everyone is cut out to eat jalapeños. That’s just a fact. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s like being fat. We can’t all be above average! There are winners and losers in this world and not everyone needs to go home with a trophy. Taming the once mighty jalapeño only serves to allow more people to believe they like “spicy” food. Then these people go out and try something crazy like crushed red pepper flakes and complain their food is “too hot” (the big babies!).

I think you need to go the other way. Put more fire into the flame. Challenge people’s manhoods! Put hair on the chest of those who would dare eat your peppers! This would make for a much better and exciting product in my mind, though it might not sell as well with the women.

You have a lot to think about, and, in my opinion, the horticulturists at Texas A&M University have much to atone for. Quit messing with God’s creations.

Sincerely,


Christopher L. Jorgensen

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Reply:

Mezzetta
in the Napa Valley
The Mezzetta Family of Finest Quality Foods

March 13, 2013

 

Mr. Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames IA 50010

Dear Mr. Jorgensen:

Thank you for your letter regarding our Jeff’s Naturals Deli Sliced Tamed Jalapeno Pepper. We appreciate that you took the time to contact us regarding our product.

We understand that the Tamed Jalapeno is not to everyone’s personal taste. There are many people who love the flavor of jalapeno, but for health reasons they may not be allowed to eat very spicy foods. The Tamed Jalapeno offers an alternative to this. Our Golden Greek Peperoncini may be more suitable to your taste.

We do apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. We hope that you continue to purchase and enjoy Mezzetta Brand products.

Sincerely,

[signed]

Esther Robers
Consumer Correspondence
G.L. MEZZETTA, INC.


Enclosure

 

G.L. MEZZETTA, INC. 105 MEZZETTA COURT, AMERICAN CANYON, CA 94503
Ph: (707) 648-1050 . Fax (707) 649-2040 www.mezzetta.com

 

Jeff’s Naturals Sliced Tamed Jalapeños website: www.jeffsnaturals.com

Scan of the letter from Jeff’s Naturals Sliced Tamed Jalapeños

Commentary:

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where’s the peck of pickled peppers that Peter Piper picked?

Just saying.

By Christopher L. Jorgensen

Website: http://jackassletters.com

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Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

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