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Dear Midol (pt. 1)

Christopher L. Jorgensen1
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393

May 12, 2008


Midol
c/o Bayer HealthCare LLC
Attn: Consumer Relations
36 Columbia Road
P.O. Box 1910
Morristown, NJ 07962-1910


Dear Midol,

I think you have a glaring omission of marketing for your Midol product. A simple adjustment to the name and you could greatly expand your market. Coming out with “Midol for Men,” will increase your market capitalization by bunches!

Think about it. Women only suffer from PMS a few days out of the month, but some men act like they are bloated, crabby and crampy and whiny all month long! It’s logical for you to extend a product to these individuals. It would be a boon to humanity if you took away these men’s excuses to be all bitchy.

You’ve done it for women, isn’t it about time you did this for men as well? If you do use my idea I wouldn’t say no to any royalties. Think about it, please.


Sincerely,


Christopher L. Jorgensen

 

 

 

 

 

[Editor’s note: originally this letter used my home address. I stopped giving this out when I acquired the missing frames of the Zapruder film.]

Sponsor:

Reply:

Bayer Health
Consumer Care


May 23, 2008


Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393


Dear Mr. Jorgensen:

Thank you for taking the time to contact Bayer HealthCare. We appreciate your interest in Bayer Consumer Care products.

We have forwarded your message to our legal department. They will be handling all future correspondence directly.

Terri Krehel
Consumer Advisor

0018281990

Bayer HealthCare LLC
Consumer Relations
P.O. Box 1910
Morristown, NJ 07962-1910

Phone: 800 331-4536

 

 

 

 

 

Midol (pt. 1) website: www.midol.com

Scan of the letter from Midol

Commentary:

No signature, and I’m not sure, but I get the feeling Terri doesn’t exactly like me. I think she needs to take a Midol and relax.

I get my ideas for these letters pretty much everywhere I look. Anything I throw in my shopping cart, see on TV, or have sitting around the house is fair fodder. I blame this letter on a coworker who was bitching about her bitchy husband and said, “He needs Midol for Men,” and I was inspired to knock out the letter that resulted in my first veiled legal threat. I blame her. I, of course, not to be cowed by a mere legal threat from a mere pharmaceutical company, wrote them back (and not to their lawyers either).

I honestly don’t care who writes me back this time. Well, as long as I don’t end up being subpoenaed, leading to tiresome depositions, ending in handcuffs, Cease & Desist, No Contact, and Restraining Orders (again).

Funny thing, beyond the obvious, I’m not sure this wouldn’t be a bad idea. I mean, if “Degree for Women” can basically sell men’s pit stink sticks to chicks, then coming out with “Midol For Men” might not be a bad idea, but hey, I’ll leave this up to the lawyers to market!

It’s not like I asked for royalties if they ever did this, I just said I’d be happy if they offered me some. I guess this makes drug companies a bit testy. Damn corporate greed anyway!

Off to write “Degree for Women” a letter telling them they need to come out with something for children and babies. Kids stink. They really do.

By Christopher L. Jorgensen

Website: http://jackassletters.com

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Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

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