No Longer Available

The letter you are looking for no longer exists. The letter didn’t make the cut and has been removed; most likely because it was dated, not funny, Christopher thought it sucked, it violated some rule of the site, or there was no reply. Chances are you will never see it again. A $75 ad would bring it back from the dead, but that’s about the only way you’ll see it again.

If you are really eaten up by this letter being gone, then drop me an email, explaining why it was your favorite of all time and you want to see it back: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Chances are it’ll make no difference unless you are one of the supporters of this site, but you can try.

Someday I may get around to organizing this list, but for now this is all you get.

Removed Letters:

• Site Reader: Basically an ignored plea for funds to keep the site going.
• Rupert Murdoch: The douchebag didn’t write back, but I posted the letter anyway. Murdoch makes me want to believe in hell. No reply so the letter doesn’t stay, but it felt good to let the man know I hope to piss on his grave some day.
• Scott Greenfield: This was removed for not being a real postal mail reply. It was an emailed PDF. I don’t do that.
• Ben and Jerry’s: This letter just got old. It wasn’t that funny either. You’re not missing anything.
• Ringling Bros.: One of my favorite unanswered letters. I finally recycled the joke and sent it to the Car Talk Guys. That letter will be posted eventually.
• Matthew Haughey: They can’t all be winners (and this was no winner). It served its purpose, but it didn’t get a reply, so I posted it to my facebook page: An Unanswered Letter to Matt Haughey (MetaFilter Network LLC).
• Chile Pepper Institute: I tried to get them to respond by sending them a letter and an order. I got my order, but no reply.
• Iowa Gov. Chet Culver: This was a fine letter. A damn fine letter written with aplomb and panache, but Chet is no longer Governor and it’s just not as funny anymore (I voted for him).
• Christopher: I wrote myself a letter to see if I was getting mail. Due to a fuck-up by the postal people I wasn’t. The irony here is my complaint letter to the USPS also went unanswered. I eventually answered myself.
• George Hart: I got a postcard in reply. I still think people should check out George’s stuff, but this reply doesn’t really fit the spirit of the site.
• Menard’s: This letter was funny enough, but it’s older and I need more room. Eventually even funny one’s will be going away.
• Coke: This was one of the letters that launched this site, so it stuck around for a long time based on nostalgia alone. It came down because I think I got my milage out of it. It was a fine letter, but I’m tired of it.
• Pepsi: Same reasons as above. If Coke came down Pepsi had to as well. These letters were written before I found the voice of this site. Leaving them up only dilutes the other letters at this point. Goodbye Pepsi. Goodbye Coke.
• Most Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori: This was essentially the same letter I sent to the Archbishop of Canterbury but his reply was a lot cooler.
• Santa: This is a seasonal letter. It will come back after Thanksgiving.
• Sen. Roy Ashburn: I really do believe in second chances. I beat up on Roy for long enough.
• Smuckers: I love Smuckers, but their reply was terrible. It didn’t answer the question and was just a catalog. Worse: It was boring!
• Yatesh Sing: Yatesh was/is some guy that worked/works for Best Buy. I wrote them a letter asking how they could justify calling themselves Best Buy when they weren’t the best buy. He explained their pricing policies, but totally ducked the actual question. I’ve beaten up on Yatesh for long enough.

This might not be an exhaustive list. If I’m missing one let me know: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).