Dear Philadelphia Cream Cheese

Christopher L. Jorgensen¹
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393

April 10, 2008

Kraft Foods Global, Inc.
Global Consumer Relations
1 Kraft Court
Glenview, IL 60025

Dear Philadelphia Cream Cheese,

I really like your cream cheese, but was wondering if there was something better. If you could let me know that would be great!

Thanks,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

¹[Autor’s note: originally this letter used my home address. I stopped giving this out after Jeffrey Donovan insisted on driving me home from the bar.]

Sponsor:

A collection of poems about spiders by Christopher L. Jorgensen.

(Sponsor this letter.)

Reply:

April 21, 2008

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393

Dear Mr. Jorgensen,

Thanks for taking the time to contact us and share your thoughts. There’s nothing more important to us than providing you, and every one of our consumers, with high-quality products.

For that reason, we’re delighted to know that you’re happy with PHILADELPHIA BRAND Cream Cheese: There’s no greater reward than receiving words of praise from the people we work so hard to please.

We’re proud of the products we make and thank you for providing such great feedback. It’s with guidance from people like you that we continually improve the products we offer.

We appreciate you contacting us and thank you for making our products part of the food you enjoy.

Sincerely,

[signed]

Kim McMiller
Associate Director, Consumer Relations
Ref: 17243594N
enclosure

CONSUMER RELATIONS GROUP
FOR FOOD & FAMILY IDEAS VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT WWW.KRAFTFOODS.COM
ONE KRAFT COURT * GLENVIEW, ILLINOIS 60025 * (800) 3230768

Philadelphia Cream Cheese website: www.creamcheese.com

Scan of the letter from Philadelphia Cream Cheese

Commentary:

They gave me a coupon “Good for ONE FREE Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese (any variety) product up to $3.69,” which pretty much rocks! A good return for being a jackass if you ask me.

I think they missed a great opportunity though. They hit me with what I assume is a standard marketing response. They could have just written back, “In our opinion there isn’t anything better than Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese.” Answer the question! Might as well say you’re the best.

For the record, I really do like Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese! Yum yum.

[Updated: Philadelphia Cream Cheese is on twitter: @lovemyphilly]

By Christopher L. Jorgensen

Website: http://jackassletters.com

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Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

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