Reply:

Dear Christopher,

Thank you for the nice letter.  I can totally relate to your nonstop thought process, as I am exactly the same way. I think it is a sign of creativity so I am sure you have a very interesting and unusual mind.
  So to address your questions, the oddest and most bizarre work I have done is a baby calf and it was a repair job. What was so unusual about the calf was that it had two heads and four front feet. It was for a Ripley’s believe it or not Museum and it was so old the leather was hanging off in shreds. Quite a difficult job I must say. More recently, I had a customer call and ask if I would put a few bones in my cleaning solution.  I said sure and to come by. When he got to the house he had 3 bones in a glass jar of formaldehyde, and said they were HIS rib bones. It turned out that he had to have his ribs removed due to some kind of disease, and he wanted to do something creative with his bones. Is that the weirdest thing you have ever heard?? I must say it is the strangest request I have received.
  Obviously everyone jokes about taxidermizing Grandmas and such, but it is against the law to do anything on humans. I don’t know all the rules and reasons but I know that besides the Egyptian days, nobody has ever attempted taxidermy on a human being (to my knowledge). Well did you get a chance to watch the new video yet. It’s called Dope Zebra and you can find it on Youtube. Its kind of silly and fun and it’s going viral… Yeaaaa.
  Well I was gonna tell you I have an awesome anteater in the shop right now that I mounted, and a badger that is really neat looking.  I also have a bearded dragon that a customer never came to pick up and it’s sitting next to my computer as my mascot.  That’s why I don’t do pets by the way, because the customers never want to pay because it doesn’t look like their pet when it was alive. The personality dies with the animal.
  Anyway, thanks for writing. Keep up the thinking and writing and maybe you should work on a book. Why the heck not. I’ll talk to you soon and have a great week. Sincerely, Chuck Testa

[signed]

October 24, 2011

Zippo GmbH
Groendahlscher Weg 87
46446 Emmerich am Rhein
Germany

Dear Zippo,

I was thinking of getting a friend of mine, Anthony Imperioli, a Zippo. I don’t know if he smokes or not, but since he’s Canadian I figured he would start if I got him a cool enough lighter. They have nationalized healthcare in Canada so if he got a smoker’s cough or black lung or cancer or something it really wouldn’t be that expensive for him to get the very best medical care. I know if I were Canadian I’d be a smoker!

The Zippo “Xray” looks like the perfect lighter to get get Anthony, but when I looked into it I found they are € 42,95! I have no idea what that is in real money. It looks like a lot, but then currency is a tricky thing. A million pesos really isn’t that much money (or so I have been told). So € 42,95 could really be only a few bucks as far as I know.

I wanted the lighter shipped to Canada, but see no way to do that. I am in the US. You are in Germany. Anthony is in Canada. If I could figure this out I’d be striking a blow for globalization! Can you help?

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

Reply:

zippo ®

November 11, 2011

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

Dear Mr. Jorgensen:

Thank you for your letter regarding our Zippo products.  Zippo does not sell or ship products outside of the USA. Because of this, Zippo has distributors all across the world that handles consumers in their region. I have enclosed a catalog that features the 2011 Zippo product line for the USA. You may purchase our products; however, we are not able to ship outside of the USA. You may purchase these products and ship them separately outside of the USA at your convenience. I apologize that I could not comply with your request completely. I trust this information is useful to you.

Thank you for being a valued customer!!

Sincerely,

[signed]

Heather E. Holden
Zippo Manufacturing Company
Consumer Relations, Marketing Assistant
33 Barbour Street
Bradford, Pennsylvania 16701
p: 814-368-2720
f: 814-363-2528
e: hholden@zippo.com

Zippo Manufacturing Company 33 Barbour Street •  Bradford, PA 16701 • Phone 814-368-2700 •  Fax 800-362-3598

Reply:

SBM S T A T E   B A R   O F   M I C H I G A N

October 7, 2010

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393

Dear Mr. Jorgensen,

Thank you for your letter concerning Mr. Shirvell.  The authority to investigate and discipline lawyers for violations of the Michigan Rules of Professional Conduct rests with the Attorney Grievance Commission and the Attorney Discipline Board.

Anyone may file a Request for Investigation against an attorney licensed by the State Bar of Michigan, or otherwise permitted by a court to practice in the state, by completing and signing the AGC’s Request for Investigation form or by sending in a signed letter. The form or letter must be signed and sufficiently describe the alleged misconduct (including approximate time and place). The Request for Investigation may include copies of any relevant documents or transcripts. A Request for Investigation must contain an original signature. Requests for Investigation are not accepted electronically or by facsimile.

A copy of the Request for Investigation form can be requested by calling the AGC at (313) 961-6585, or can be downloaded from the website, agcmi.com.  Requests for Investigation and any accompanying documents can be sent to:

Michigan Attorney Grievance Commission
243 W. Congress, Ste. 256
Detroit, MI 48226

The Grievance Administrator may also institute an investigation on his own based upon knowledge gained from other ways, such as news articles, court opinions, or information received in the course of a disciplinary investigation.

Sincerely,

[signed]

Janet Welch
Executive Director

p 517-346-6300
p 800-968-1442
f 517-482-6248
www.michbar.org

306 Townsend Street
Michael Franck Building
Lansing, MI
48933-2012

November 11, 2011

Dr Pepper/Seven Up, Inc.
Attn: Consumer Relations
P.O. Box 869077
Plano, TX 75086-9077

Dear Dr Pepper,

I’ve always preferred Dr Pepper to Mr Pibb. 1. It’s better. 2. Mr Pibb is a bad knockoff.

I was reading the history of Mr Pibb and saw they originally called it Dr Pibb, but that was seen as a trademark violation so they had to revoke his medical license (figuratively) and call it “Mr.” That’s such a lame name Personally I find it a damn shame they were allowed to continue with such an obvious counterfeit beverage.

You can’t always find Dr Pepper on tap, which makes me a bit sad, but whenever this happens to me I just smuggle some in under my coat.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. At the first real job I ever had there was a Seven Up delivery man that only had one eye (the other was glass). We always said, “Bob’s got an eye on you!”

Reply:

CONSUMER RELATIONS
PO BOX 869077
PLANO, TX 75086-9077
5301 LEGACY DRIVE
PLANO, TX 75024-3109

DR PEPPER
SNAPPLE GROUP

December 5, 2011

Mr Christopher L Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010-0546

Dear Mr Jorgensen:

Thank you for contacting us about Dr Pepper Regular.

We enjoy hearing from you and are especially pleased to learn of your satisfaction.  We will pass on your compliments to both our marketing department and our research and development department so they can be made aware of the great job they are doing!  P.S-We’ve also been known to smuggle the ‘Dr’ when he isn’t available.

We hope you continue to enjoy Dr Pepper Regular products.

Sincerely,

Consumer Relations

011275314A

www.drpeppersnapple.com

July 29, 2011

French Meadow Bakery
1000 Apollo Road
Eagan, MN 55121

Dear French Meadow Bakery,

There’s a good chance my girlfriend just ate one of your cakes that was four months old. After she’d been gnawing on this thing for days we looked on the bottom of the box and there is a sticker that says 0316. Does that stand for March 16? As you can see from the date of this letter it is July 28, 2011. Four months seems like a long time for a cake to be good. Heck, since there’s no year this cake could be 16 months old or older! There’s also a chance that that sticker means nothing, that it’s just put on the box to confuse people like me.

So we went on your website to get clarification. We wanted to see if there was information about how long your cakes are edible, or what that sticker means, but we don’t even see cakes listed at all! (Though there is a tasty picture of one.) We put in our zip code and it said you don’t sell them anywhere near us, so have you discontinued this product?

You might want to let the Hy-Vee in Ames, IA know they are selling four month old cakes if this ends up being the case, and I’ll let you know if my girlfriend ends up getting sick.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

Reply:

Hello Christopher,

Thank you for contacting French Meadow Bakery. It sounds like the cake was old.  Was it frozen when you purchased it?

The cake was made on November 12, 2010 but has a 9 month frozen shelf life. Please feel free to call us with any questions (651-286-7891) & try another product on us.

In Health,
Emily

Reply:

Consumer Credit
of Des Moines

Chris:

Sorry to disappoint but I plan to run the Christmas spot again this year & I know what you mean about the jingle.

If you see me again, I’d enjoy my picture with you.  I have a large collection with other famous people & yours would fit right in

Tom

(515) 287-6428 • 800-955-5765
www.consumercredit-dm.com

Reply:

“While the Angels wing
To the newborn King
I will sing for the blessed Babe
On this joyous Christmas day”

Pat-A-Pan
David Archuleta
Singer-Songwriter

Wishing you a joyous Christmas and
great happiness in the New Year ahead.
My heart is filled with gratitude for
God’s love and your encouragement during this past year.

Roy Ashburn
2010

Reply:

Dear C. Jorgenson

Merry Christmas

From Santa,

You have been so good this year that I am writing this letter especially for you.

I just finished making the last toys for the year.  Now the elves will put all those toys in my sleigh.  It’s a big, big job and the elves work very hard.  I’m sure you work very hard too.

I’ll be checking my list again, I always check it twice, to see who has been naughty or nice.  You are on the good list and Santa hopes you will continue to be good all the time.

Some of the younger elves are learning how to take care of the reindeer.  They can’t do it by themselves yet, but they are learning.  They are good helpers, just like you.

Santa wishes you a very
Merry Christmas.

[signed Elf Ricky]

Santa’s Mail Bag, 1 Santa Claus Lane, North Pole, Alaska 99705

Reply:

LEGO ®

-001-01

Christopher Jorgensen¹
PO Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393-3042
USA

029281397A

November 17, 2011

Dear Christopher,

Thanks for getting in touch with us.

You can use LEGO ® brand names, trademarks and copyrights, etc. but only if it’s for a personal project or one that nobody is making any money from.

I have to tell you about a few rules, though:

1) Please always spell the word LEGO using capital letters and use it only as an adjective not a noun.  For example you can write “Model built with LEGO bricks” but not “Model built with Legos”.

2) The first time you use the word LEGO please follow it with a “®” which shows everybody it’s a registered trademark.

3) You can’t use the red LEGO logo.

If you’d like to find out more about our rules please go to
http://aboutus.lego.com/en-us/corporate/fairplay.aspx, or get loads more LEGO Group information by going to http://aboutus.lego.com/en-us/corporate/legalnotice.aspx.

Happy building!

Sincerely,

Jesse
LEGO Direct Consumer Services

LEGO Direct Consumer Services   P.O. Box 1138   Enfield, CT 06083     USA
www.lego.com   Tel. 800-233-8756   Email (web form): www.LEGO.com/service

Better Building More Fun Better Building More Fun Better Building More Fun Better Building

¹[Editor’s Note: due to the impending collapse of the US government this PO Box is no longer valid. Check the FUQ for updated information.]

Reply:

Walkers
Customer Services
Freephone UK: 0800 274 777
Freephone Eire: 1800 509 408
Fax: 0116 234 8691

000449707A

11 November 2011

Mr C L Jorgensen
Po Box 546
Ames
IA 50010
USA

Dear Mr Jorgensen

Thank you very much for your recent letter.

We are always very happy to receive consumer feedback and please be assured that I have forwarded your comments on to our Marketing Team for their attention.

Once again, thank you for taking the time and trouble to contact us, it is very much appreciated. If you do have any more queries, please do not hesitate to contact me again.

Yours sincerely,

[signed]

Karen De Burle
Customer Services

Walkers Snack Foods Ltd, PO Box 23, Leicester, LE4 8ZU
Registered office: 1600 Arlington Business Park, Theale, RG7 45A. Registered Office: No. 2333074