An Unanswered Letter to Anti-Monkey Butt Powder

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

July 14, 2011

DSE Healthcare Solutions
164 Northfield Avenue
Edison, NJ 08837 USA

Dear Anti-Monkey Butt Powder,

I have this Canadian friend named Anthony Imperioli, and I was thinking of sending him some of your product. Anthony is nearly legally blind and has quite the hairy hands (if you know what I mean!). He’s constantly complaining about friction burns and hand fatigue. I asked at my local pharmacy if there was anything I could send Anthony to alleviate his discomfort and the old pharmacist recommended Anti-Monkey Butt Powder. I’m not completely convinced my leg isn’t being pulled!

I’m not sure if Anthony suffers from monkey butt, and you have to admit there’s no good way for one man to ask another man if his ass is red! (At least I’ve found no way to do so. I am open to suggestions.) So I’m not sure if Anthony needs your product unless it also aids in the injuries that come from excessive masturbation. Unless you tell me differently I am going to assume the answer is no and Anthony will have to continue to suffer.

On the bright side Anthony is the only Canadian I know that doesn’t need mittens in the winter!

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen