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Dear Butterball

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

September 22, 2010

Butterball Turkey LLC.
1 Butterball Lane
Garner, NC 27529

Dear Butterball Turkey,

This is a true story: When I was in basic training at Fort Benning in Georgia we were doing rifle training and a bunch of us were on the firing line. There were 10 guys or so with two clips of 20 rounds each. A gaggle of turkeys came onto the range and the tower called a ceasefire. There had to be 20-30 of these wild turkeys!

Wild turkeys are much smaller than a real turkey. There wasn’t a lot of meat on any of these birds. I thought we were just going to wait for them to safely pass from one side of the range to the other, but then we were told to switch to “burst” which fires three shots of 5.56 ammo with every pull of the trigger. We were told to take aim at the birds. We were told to fire!

In waves of 30, bullets flew through the air, until all 400 rounds had been expended. The firing line was engulfed in a fog of burnt gun powder. When the smoke literally cleared I expected to see nothing but feathery carnage! If bullets meant for people hit a small bird I’d think it would explode into tiny scraps of meat, feather and bone.

I looked up, and to my surprise not one turkey had been hit. Not one! It was pretty much a miracle.

By the way, I like your turkey.


Christopher L. Jorgensen


This site in book form. Buy it now!



September 30, 2010

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

Dear Mr. Jorgensen,

Thank you for contacting us regarding our product.

We are delighted to hear how much you enjoy our products and it is always a pleasure to receive a compliment from a satisfied customer.  We have shared your comments with both the Quality Assurance and Marketing Departments.

We are grateful for your loyalty and will promise to continue to maintain the quality products you enjoy. As a thank you, we’ve enclosed an assortment of recipe cards, which we hope you will enjoy.



Minnie Hambrick
Consumer Response Representative

Ref: N400465


P. O. Box 1547
Kings Mountain, NC 28086


Butterball website:

A scan of the letter sent by Butterball


Note: Address has been updated to reflect my current P.O. Box.

This story is 100% true. It happened just like I said it did. Well, unless laws were broken. In that case I made it all up. I’m a liar. You can’t trust me. I probably wasn’t even in the Army. I probably just made that up to get chicks.

By Christopher L. Jorgensen


Have a comment? Put a stamp on an envelope and drop it in the mail to:

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

Be sure to mention what letter your comment applies to. Adding some cash with your correspondence is a good thing. You can email me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) if you must.

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