Dear Butterball

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393

September 22, 2010

Butterball Turkey LLC.
1 Butterball Lane
Garner, NC 27529

Dear Butterball Turkey,

This is a true story: When I was in basic training at Fort Benning in Georgia we were doing rifle training and a bunch of us were on the firing line. There were 10 guys or so with two clips of 20 rounds each. A gaggle of turkeys came onto the range and the tower called a ceasefire. There had to be 20-30 of these wild turkeys!

Wild turkeys are much smaller than a real turkey. There wasn’t a lot of meat on any of these birds. I thought we were just going to wait for them to safely pass from one side of the range to the other, but then we were told to switch to “burst” which fires three shots of 5.56 ammo with every pull of the trigger. We were told to take aim at the birds. We were told to fire!

In waves of 30, bullets flew through the air, until all 400 rounds had been expended. The firing line was engulfed in a fog of burnt gun powder. When the smoke literally cleared I expected to see nothing but feathery carnage! If bullets meant for people hit a small bird I’d think it would explode into tiny scraps of meat, feather and bone.

I looked up, and to my surprise not one turkey had been hit. Not one! It was pretty much a miracle.

By the way, I like your turkey.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen