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Dear Hanes (pt. 1)

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

May 6, 2008

Retail Consumer Services
P.O. Box 3013
Winston-Salem, NC 27102

Dear Hanes,

I’m writing to thank you for a wonderful product! I really like your Men’s Hanes Classics tagless Comfort Cool Sports Briefs. I call them my man-panties. They are totally comfortable. Sometimes it feels like I am not wearing anything at all under my blue jeans! I especially like the purple ones. My girlfriend and I refer to these as my “purple power panties,” and I downright feel like a superhero when I parade about in these.

My only complaint is the multipacks come in different colors, forcing me to choose between being economical, and getting the color I really want. I suppose if all my man-panties were purple they would stop being so special though.

I know you know you make wonderful underwear, but thought I’d tell you all the same.


Christopher L. Jorgensen





1 Originally this letter used my home address, but I no longer give this out every since Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab didn’t return the underwear I lent him.

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Hanesbrands Inc.

Retail Consumer Services
P.O. Box 3013
Winston-Salem, NC 27102

May 20, 2008

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

Dear Mr. Jorgensen,

Thank you for writing us expressing an interest in Hanes Classic Sports Briefs.

We regret our company is no longer manufacturing the item you referred to. Consumer response to this particular item did not justify it’s continued sale. We hope that you will give one of our other products a try.

Mr. Jorgensen, we appreciate you taking the time to contact us. If we can be of future assistance, you may reach us at 1-800-994-4348; our hours of operations are Monday through Friday, 9:00am to 4:30pm (EST) or on the Internet at


[scanned signature]

Carolyn Rivera
Consumer Care

Reference #1604344



Hanes (pt. 1) website:

Scans of the letters from Hanes


Note: Address has been updated to reflect my current P.O. Box.

Every now and again I write a letter that somewhat scares me. Mostly because I am afraid of the response. This isn’t one of those letters. More on this in a bit.

I do like the above underwear. At least I think I do. I fired up the Hanes website and tried to pick out the pair that most closely resembles what I currently wear (surprisingly, I couldn’t tell just by looking inside my underwear). After 4 or 5 minutes or so of looking at men’s crotches, everything began to look the same, and I had to take frequent breaks with the JCPenney lingerie website (you know, just to prove I’m not gay or anything). So who knows if my underwear has actually been discontinued. I guess I’ll find out when I go to buy it next time. But since Hanes made no recommendation for a replacement product made by them I may end up wearing FTLs!

So back to fear of response…I replied to their reply, in some Brazilian sort of way, and asked for all their remaining discontinued purple XL man-panties. For the next month, I’ll probably be living in fear of a semi or two dumping huge mounds of purple underwear on my lawn.

Read the followup here: Hanes (pt. 2).

By Christopher L. Jorgensen


Have a comment? Put a stamp on an envelope and drop it in the mail to:

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

Be sure to mention what letter your comment applies to. Adding some cash with your correspondence is a good thing. You can email me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) if you must.

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Jackass Letters by Christopher L. Jorgensen

Jackass Letters

by Christopher L. Jorgensen

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