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Dear Peanut Butter & Co.

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010


September 26, 2012


Peanut Butter & Co.
P.O. Box 2000
New York, NY 10101


Dear Peanut Butter & Co.,

I love peanut butter! I love my girlfriend! Like chocolate and peanut butter some things just plain go well together. That’s my girlfriend and I. The only thing that could make things better would be more peanut butter. I was wondering if there was an easy way to figure out how much peanut butter would be required to cover my girlfriend from head to toe. (I don’t want to have to go out for additional jars once I start this project.) I was thinking a layer one inch thick, but have to admit I have no expertise in this area, so don’t know what’s optimal.

Would 5 or 10 jars be enough?


Sincerely,


Christopher L. Jorgensen

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Reply:

ALL NATURAL
Peanut Butter & Co
SINCE 1998

November 8, 2012


Dear Christopher L. Jorgensen,

Your letter has been received and it definitely made us chuckle.  While peanut butter is our area of expertise we do not have any past experience estimating what you’ve inquired about.

Hope these coupons can help with the project if you’ve yet to undertake it.

Good luck,

[signed]

Isobel de la Fuente
Customer Service
Peanut Butter & Co.
1-866-ILOVEPB
www.ilovepeanutbutter.com

Scan of the letter from Peanut Butter Co.

Commentary:

This reply was perfect, but somehow I have a feeling that Isobel de la Fuente knows exactly how much peanut butter it takes to completely cover a woman!

The more I think about this the more I am interested in finding out the answer. It should be a simple matter of calculating surface area and BMI and the volume of peanut butter. Obviously, some women are going to require more jars than others, but this should be a simple problem easily solved with math or algebra or physics or one of those other subjects I never paid attention to in school.

Peanut Butter & Co. sent me enough coupons that I am thinking of starting a side business selling PB&J sandwiches to school kids. I just need to write a jelly company and a bread company first.

Update: Some years ago (nearly four if I can trust the time/date stamp on the file modification date) a reader sent me this:

Duane Haugen

Omaha, NE

Dear Mr. Jorgensen,

I read your letter regarding your desire to spread peanut butter on your girlfriend and, since the “All Natural Peanut Butter & Co.” reply did not solve your problem, I thought I would try to help.

I recently read an article that stated the average person has about 16 square feet of skin.  Assuming that your girlfriend is average in size, it would require about 2,304 cubic inches of peanut butter to cover her entire body with a 1” layer.

Not knowing the size of the peanut butter container you plan to purchase, I have estimated the average jar size to be approximately 3” in diameter and 5” deep.  If that estimate is accurate, you would require 65.22 jars of peanut butter to accomplish the task though you can probably get by with purchasing only 65 jars, since unless your girlfriend can levitate, she’ll have to stand on at least one foot throughout the process.

This is only an estimate and I could calculate more closely if I had pictures and measurements of your girlfriend.  A jar of the peanut butter you plan to purchase would be helpful as well but, if I have to choose, I’ll take the pictures.  If you actually succeed in your endeavor, before and after pictures would be dandy.

 

Sincerely,

Duane Haugen

 

P.S. Have you considered adding jelly?

I’m not sure why I never posted it.

By Christopher L. Jorgensen

Website: http://jackassletters.com

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Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

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