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Dear PetSmart

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393


June 23, 2008


Pet Smart
19601 N 27th Avenue
Phoenix AZ 85027


Dear Pet Smart,

I was hoping you could suggest a new pet for me. I am wanting something cute and cuddly (preferably furry). I am concerned with lifespan though. It says online hamsters live for an average of two years. This seems a little too long to me. I know I could “help it along,” but this seems wrong.

Is there anything like a hamster that lives around six months (I am commitment phobic). I was thinking of something like a puppy, but less tasty, and a bit smaller.

Thanks for any help you can give!

Sincerely,


Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. I see on your website that you have saved three million, three hundred thirty-six thousand, nine hundred forty-three lives. That’s a lot of people! You guys should get a medal!

 

 

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Reply:

Pet Smart


19601 North 27th Avenue • Phoenix AZ 85027 • (623) 580-6100


Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393

 


June 27, 2008


Dear Christopher,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us here at PetSmart.

At this time I would recommend that you speak with the Manager on Duty of the store nearest you. The Manager on Duty will be able to answer any questions you may have.

To Find your local PetSmart store please seek the PetSmart store locator found on www.petsmart.com.

I hope this information will assist you and thank you for choosing PetSmart.

Sincerely,

Amanda

 

 

 

 

 

PetSmart website: www.petsmart.com

Scan of the letter from PetSmart

Commentary:

Now, I don’t want to dig on anyone’s life-choices here, but if you ever find yourself the Manager on Duty of a PetSmart, and someone comes in asking for a short lived pet less tasty than a puppy, you really need to question the decisions that brought you to such a place.

If there was an award for passing the buck Amanda would be a contender. How hard can it be to point someone to a resource listing the average lifespan of various animals? And believe it or not, this really is a valid question. Stupid people buy things like African Grey Parrots and act like it’s their gog-given right to walk around with a bird sitting and shitting on their shoulders that will well outlive their terminal stupidity.

And before you think me heartless and cruel, I do have a cat that I’ve somehow managed to keep alive for the past 2 or 3 years. Ah, hell, go ahead and think me heartless and cruel.

By Christopher L. Jorgensen

Website: http://jackassletters.com

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Ames, IA 50010

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