Dear Red Lobster

Christopher L. Jorgensen¹
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393

April 28, 2008

Red Lobster
5900 Lake Ellenor Drive
Orlando, FL 32809

Dear Red Lobster,

I love lobster! But I am now writing to ask if something I’ve been told is true. Recently, I heard lobsters are prepared by dropping them alive into boiling water, their little lobster screams audible as they are cooked to death! This is so obviously barbaric it cannot possibly be true.

There has to be a more humane way to do this. Perhaps it would be possible to lobotomize this tasty crustacean by inserting a wire into their brain prior to cooking, or maybe you could come up with a way to administer a lethal three-drug cocktail, much like we do for death row inmates. The Supreme Court says this is not only humane, but constitutional as well! You could really use this in your advertising! “No Stay of Execution for the Lobster at Red Lobster!” or, “Get a Cocktail while Your Lobster gets a Three-Drug Cocktail!”

Please, at a minimum consider having a local Rabbi oversee the process, praying for and blessing the lobster as it is being prepared. I would feel much better knowing a Rabbi was involved next time I consume this delicacy with melted kosher butter. Of course, this all assumes what I have heard is true, and I still can’t imagine it is, so I will just ask it outright!

Do you boil live lobsters alive?

Thanks,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

¹[Author’s note: Originally this letter used my home address. I stopped using this because Rose McGowan can’t take a hint!]