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Dear Luke Skinner

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

April 20, 2010

Luke Skinner
230 Shenstone Ave
West Midlands

Dear Luke Skinner,

your shit rocks! I love good graphic design. It’s like music for the eyes, but good music, like a Nick Cave ballad, not crappy music like that band Bruce Willis made up or the one that Joaquin Phoenix is in. Man, do those guys make suck music or what? I bet they would blow at graphic design as well.

I used to work in a school and they had these posters of penguins in the hall and one of them was as high as my waist, and I said, “That’s a big fucking penguin. No way they get that big,” and I hear this voice behind me…it’s some kid, and he says, “Actually, sir, that’s an Emperor penguin and they can grow to be 3 feet tall!” Man, I wanted to hit that know-it-all kid, but he was only 8 or 9, so it wouldn’t have been a fair fight! Did you know penguins could get that tall? I sure as shit didn’t!

You see the first “Iron Man” movie? I thought it was pretty god, even if Gwyneth Paltrow is getting kinda old and isn’t hot anymore (you’re not related are you? I hope I didn’t upset you by pointing out that she’s seen better days, man!). I can’t wait for “Iron Man 2.” It has Mickey Rourke in it!


So, how do you get a choir boy pregnant? Dress him as a nun!

Wait, I think I fucked that joke up. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her as a choir boy!

Vote Labour!


Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. Jaffa cakes are a thing of the devil.




This site in book form. Buy it now!


Luke Skinner
230 Shenstone Ave
West Midlands

Monday, 26 April 2010

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010


Dear Christopher,

Thank you for you kind words pertaining to my shit. I agree that good design is like music, however, while I agree that Bruce Willis’s music is sub-par, I would like to believe that he would be as competent in design as he is in blowing things up and wearing dirty vests. (I have no comment on Joaquim Phoenix)

I was excited to receive a letter from such far off land… Iowa. I must admit, although I have heard of Des Moines I am not familiar with it (although a quick Wikipedia search reveals the name ‘Des Moines’ means ‘Of The Monks’) My girlfriend went on a college exchange to North Fayette, Iowa a few summers ago, she also visited Minnesota and Illinois. Sadly her trip was ruined some what as she was staying with the family of a near alcoholic cheer leader with dreams of becoming a dental hygienist, but I digress.

I was interested to read about your encounter with ‘Penguin Kid’ as I shall refer to him. Funnily enough I was aware that Emperor Penguins could grow to 3 feet but only because of my recent trip to Bird Land - a bird sanctuary located in the rural village of Bourton-on-the-Water, a designation I would highly recommend should you ever be in the heart of England. Bird Land actually supplied King penguins for the Tim Burton film ‘Batman Returns’. Batman of course being on of the few popular characters Tim Burton hasn’t managed to ruin.

Which of course leads me on to your insightful comments about ‘Iron Man’, a film that I too thought was pretty good. Don’t worry, I’m not at all offended by your distaste for Gwyneth Paltrow, I myself am more of a Scarlett Johansson man and for that reason and many others, I also can’t wait for Iron Man 2. It has Don Cheadle in it!

In closing, my favourite joke: There are two monkeys in a shower. One goes “Ooh ooh aah aah aah!!”, to which the other one replies “What? A bit hot for you?”

Sincerely Yours,


Luke Skinner





[Handwritten note at the bottom: Apologies for the quality of my printing]

Luke Skinner website:

Scan of the letter from Luke Skinner


Note: Address has been updated to reflect my current P.O. Box.

These letters make more sense if you read Luke’s site.

Let the record show I don’t know Luke from Adam, don’t recall how I found his site, and have no idea why I wrote him. Honestly.

You can thank @guiltysquid for this letter. She funded it.

Don’t worry though, you can fund the next one!

And not that it makes it at all funny, but the line of text in my letter that has the strike-through was actually crossed out in the letter I sent. You just have to believe me on that one.

I did manage to see “Iron Man 2”. It was better than better than average. Make sure you stay through the credits! Scarlett Johansson gets naked!

By Christopher L. Jorgensen


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Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

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Goodreads Book Giveaway

Jackass Letters by Christopher L. Jorgensen

Jackass Letters

by Christopher L. Jorgensen

Giveaway ends January 31, 2017.

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