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Dear Queen Elizabeth II

Christopher L. Jorgensen1
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393
USA


May 1, 2008


Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II
Buckingham Palace
London SW1A 1AA
England


Your Royal Highness,

I would be honored by an autographed photo of the portrait done by Annie Leibovitz. Would this be possible?

I try to be a good and patriotic citizen of The United States of America, but it’s a bit difficult under various administrations. Sometimes I positively yearn for a return to the days of British rule.

This gave me an idea. If you were to start investing US citizens with Titles of Nobility you could increase the number of your subjects, and we could be your voice in this country, advocating your positions on various issues. To this end, I would like to volunteer for a title of some sort. Nothing dramatic like a baron or duke, but a nice knighthood would suit me just fine!

If you feel I am worthy, just send the appropriate paperwork or whatever (I’m not really sure how this works) to the above address.

I would love to sign this letter “Your humble subject,” but until my titles arrive “sincerely” will have to do.


sincerely,


Christopher L. Jorgensen

 


1[Author’s note: Originally this letter used my home address, but I stopped giving this out because Sir Richard Branson kept dropping by and asking for a loan for a “sure thing.”]

Sponsor:

Reply:

BUCKINGHAM PALACE

 

 

1st August, 2008

 


Dear Mr. Jorgensen,

The Queen has asked me to thank you for your letter of 1st May, and I apologise for the delay in replying. Due to the high volume of mail received in recent weeks, correspondence has been dealt with in strict date order.

Her Majesty has taken note of your suggestion regarding the award of honours to US Citizens. I must tell you, however, that this not a matter on which The Queen would comment.

Owing to the many similar requests for signed photographs that are received, Her Majesty has made it a rule to give her autograph only to people known personally to her. It is therefore not possible for The Queen to do as you ask.

I am sorry to send you a disappointing reply but I am sure you will agree that it would be unfair to make any exception to this rule.

Yours sincerely,

[signed with a flourish]

Mrs. Sonia Bonici
Senior Correspondence Officer


Mr. Christopher Jorgensen.

 

 

 

 

Queen Elizabeth II website: www.royal.gov.uk

Scan of the letter from The Queen England's secretary

Commentary:

How many people do you know who can say they got a letter from the Queen of England? Ok, so it’s really from the Senior Correspondence Officer, but I’m still counting this one, since it came on real Buckingham Palace letterhead! I held it up to the light to see the “Royal Watermark,” but apparently, this is the same as the recycle symbol. Oh well.

This is perhaps the politest brushoff I’ve ever had, but then would you expect anything else from The Queen? I didn’t expect all my jokes to be completely diffused though.

If it didn’t take 3 months to get a reply I would fire off another letter inviting The Queen to tea next time she’s in my neck of the woods, visiting Slater, IA, so we can get to know each other. I’d also remind her to remember to bring the photo. But I’m not writing back.

This letter made me insufferable for a couple of days. I was almost as proud of this one as my Big Bird Letter. It’s a good thing she didn’t give me a knighthood, or I would be going around demanding people call me “Sir Christopher.” Hell, I might do this anyway!

The editor/typist/girlfriend made the editorial decision to describe the signature as “signed with a flourish,” and what’s the point of having an editor/typist/girlfriend if you don’t leave such things in? I would have been sorely disappointed if this one hadn’t been signed.

By Christopher L. Jorgensen

Website: http://jackassletters.com

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Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

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