Longer Than You Think, Dad! Longer Than You Think!

Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.

Dear Archbishop of Canterbury Dr. Rowan Williams

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

December 8, 2008

Archbishop of Canterbury Dr. Rowan Williams
Lambeth Palace
London
SE1 7JU

Dear Archbishop of Canterbury Dr. Rowan Williams,

It’s totally cool that you write poetry. Not enough people do that these days. I am sending you some of mine to look over. I am including “Man of God,” and “Paramour.” You probably won’t like them though. Feel free to let me know what you think. If you do like them you can include them in your church newsletter!

Would it be possible for me to get an autographed photo? It would be my first autograph by a published poet. That would be cool of you!

I’m writing because there’s a worldwide recession going on, with cutbacks, layoffs, and permanent job losses. This got me to wondering if the Church of England has had to face such hardships! I hope not, but if so, I had an idea. You could start outsourcing prayer.

I know this seems ludicrous on the face or it, but if you think it through I am sure you will decide the idea has its merits. Many members of the Church of England are busy people with little time for things like prayer, and there are places like India with lots of people that need employment. I figure a system could be set up whereby for a small fee Britons could pay one of these needy people to doing the praying on their behalf.

Money would be funneled into impoverished areas of India, Britons would have more time to do good works instead of just praying, and as an added bonus thousands of Indians could be exposed to your ministries!

It seems like a win all around if you ask me.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

enclosure 1:

Man of God

I am no man of god,
but of broken glass and past tragedies.
More truth than lies fall from these lips.
I would lie to you if I could.
I would tell you of love that is not,
and sins uncommitted, damnation kisses,
and whatever you needed to hear.
I would seduce you with bad poetry and good wine.
Because every woman loves the badboy,
every woman lives for the dangerous,
but I have always been …too good.

But no more! I have given up my belief in disbelief!
Atheist no longer.
I live for salvation…for a need of forgiveness.
This life is now but clay.
Make of it what you will.
Your god is mine!

And, now, your parents will never approve.

Truly a bastard I will deceive to get what I want.
And what I want is you,
you harlot of Gomorra,
you bitch of the night,
slut of my nightmares,
saint without morals.
My sinning angel!

I sell my soul to a god that does not exist
to get you!
Atrocity begets atrocity and you drip
from my fingers
as does your wetness.
And blood will tell.

Blood always tells.

An untruth untouchable by divinity. I do love you.
From our first awkward word to our last half kiss.
I love you!

Because I….

I am a man of god!

christopher…. ‘06

enclosure 2:

Paramour

For him she dressed as a sexy Bo-Peep,
took him to bed, and let him be a baaaad sheep.
Because of him her bed will always smell of butter
and future lovers will ask, “You eat a lot of popcorn in here?”

Then there’s those photos she’ll never live down.

She didn’t mind being the good witch, kind of dug Dorothy,
even liked playing the bad, but the flying monkey bit was too far,
and she said “No!” to the munchkins. Decency demands a line!

She took the ropes, and the candle wax, and even the whips.
She played the games and bought the outfits
and for him she found a partner when he said he wanted a threesome.
Unfortunately, it was his best friend Steven.

For him she learned to like pain, but not as much as he did.
And she never got the whole toe sucking business,
though she kind of found it pleasing and surprisingly arousing.

For him she bought a dildo (this brought her to four, but don’t tell).
She let him teach her orgasm, something she’d learned from Seventeen
(when she was twelve). She wore the boots and corsets and wondered
if all men were like this.

She hoped so!

Early on, she decided he was the one, decided she’d do anything
for this man. No other way to explain the whole pony costume.
And she forgave him when he proudly told their friends,
“I’m back in the saddle again!”

It was love.

christopher…. ‘05

Archbishop of Canterbury

27 January 2009

Dear Mr Jorgensen,

I’m very sorry not to have replied sooner to your letter, but it got a bit buried in the Christmas rush, I’m afraid. I just wanted to say thank you for writing to so kindly. Are you still writing poetry? I thought there was a lot of energy in what you wrote, and in the first poem the way in which you use the blood metaphor and the phrase ‘I sell my soul to a god that does not exist’ are particularly powerful. The second has some very good stuff, but seems to close at some points to the raw data (for example, the use of a person’s name in a poem needs careful thought, and I’m not absolutely sure it’s justified here), and reads more like work in progress. But I do hope you’ll carry on with the creativity.

Outsourcing prayer? Well, in a way we do it all the time simply by the constant exchange of prayer requests across the world (we have a lot that come in here). What I can’t quite get my mind around is paying people to pray; I suspect that God might raise an eyebrow…

Photo enclosed; thank you again and best wishes for the New Year.

Yours sincerely

Rowan Williams

Dr. Rowan Williams former Archbishop of Canterbury
Dr. Rowan Williams former Archbishop of Canterbury



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Archbishop of Canterbury Dr. Rowan Williams



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