Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.
I’m just going to come right out and say it: I love eating at Pepperjax Grill! But I also have to come out and say that I don’t eat there as often as I would like due to the limited menu. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love everything on your menu, but there are only so many ways you can combine chicken with rice and cheese. Want that in a bowl? Sure. How about in a tortilla? Even better! On some chips? Now you’re talking. But after you’ve worked your way through all the ingredients a few dozen times they start to sort of lose their appeal. Now, I’m still going to eat there, since I like eating, and I’m honestly unaware of many other places where I can get both a burrito and fries. I’m just getting a little bored with our relationship.
My suggestion to you guys would be to expand your menu a bit. Sure, it’ll probably involve some additional staff training, and some promotions, but I bet you’d see an uptick in sales. Now, these don’t have to be permanent additions to the menu, but rather perhaps some temporary or seasonal items. Something that makes me think, “Man, Pepperjax Grill has that? I’m there!”
You know what else would be nice? Desserts. Like I said, I love eating at Pepperjax Gril, but sometimes I just don’t get enough to eat and I end up going someplace else after for a cookie or a sundae or even pie. Seems to me that a small pastry case or some fresh baked brownies or maybe just a simple softserve ice cream machine would go a long ways toward increasing customer satisfaction. I know it would for me, but then I’m fairly easy to please.
Let me know. Ok?
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
Read: Pepperjax Grill Reply
Sent: January 25, 2020
I’m just going to come right out and say it: I love eating at Pepperjax Grill! But I also have to come out and say that I don’t eat there as often as I would like due to the limited menu. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love everything on your menu, but there are only so many ways you can combine chicken with rice and cheese. Want that in a bowl? Sure. How about in a…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: January 25, 2020
Most nights when I get home I like to watch the news. I believe every citizen should do this to create a more informed and educated electorate. Now, I don’t want to get all political or anything, but seems to me there are a lot of incredible lapses in judgement and ethics being reported, so it got me to thinking that perhaps you guys had seen the writing on the wall and…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: January 21, 2020
Welcome to the relaunch of Jackass Letters. Miss me? I’ve missed you! So this isn’t really a real letter, and is for sure not “Best of” material, but I don’t really have a better way of doing “site news.” Deal with it. Pardon the mess. I am working on migrating content, enabling functionality, and tweaking the new design. Consider this a soft launch. I’m…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: February 3, 2020
recently you had Jerry O’Connell on your show and you showed him how to make a wooden bunny lamp to go into his twin’s nursery. This is cool and all, but a better guest would be Anthony Michael Hall! He’d be so much cooler to have on your show. Do you remember an iconic film called “The Breakfast Club,” written and directed by John Hughes? Well, in this movie Anthony…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 30, 2009
I love peanut butter! I love my girlfriend! Like chocolate and peanut butter some things just plain go well together. That’s my girlfriend and I. The only thing that could make things better would be more peanut butter. I was wondering if there was an easy way to figure out how much peanut butter would be required to cover my girlfriend from head to toe. (I don’t want to…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 26, 2012
I’m a lot like Gomez Addams. Dashingly handsome, stylish, clever and witty, decent with a rapier, and possessing a profound weakness for French. In fact the other day my girlfriend was cleaning the kitchen, being all domestic in her apron and scrubbing the coffee-stained sink (I’ve since been admonished to pour coffee directly into the drain). I asked what she was doing and…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: July 20, 2011
I’m guessing it’s not legal to set traps on my lawn to catch the kids that keep coming on it? But, man, I wish it were! I’d order a big ol’ mean looking thing with shaper teeth and those kids would learn a thing or three! I’m right, right? It’s not legal is it? Or maybe it is. Maybe you have some mostly humane traps that would just stun the little urchins until the…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 20, 2010
What does the acronym SPAM stand for? I looked all over your website, but couldn’t find what it means. I mostly want to know because a friend of mine told me SPAM contains dog meat. This is just plain gross, but since I couldn’t find a definition of the SPAM acronym I am having difficulty refuting her. She says this is why SPAM is popular with Koreans. I think she’s…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 19, 2008
As you know, with the current state of the economy and the declining American dollar, many people on fixed incomes face hard choices about how best to spend their retirement checks. Sadly, an increasing number end up eating Alpo, a product not intended for human consumption. I would like you to address this issue. Won’t you please do the responsible thing and come out with…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 21, 2008
I used to be a materialistic man beset by the earthly wants and needs of the typical American consumer of commercial products. I did my best to keep the economy going and to embrace Capitalism. All hail the mighty dollar! I bought things I didn’t need with money I didn’t have in the search of the perfect purchase to make me happy. Yet, I was empty inside. But then I met…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: January 31, 2012
I would have been so much more impressed if, instead of, “World’s Largest Catsup Bottle” you were “World’s Largest Bottle of Catsup.” That one word is a world of difference. I want there to be real Catsup in there! That would be so cool. if people could go to the tap and get hot water, cold water, or catsup. I’m a bit saddened to learn that I’ve missed the…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 13, 2010
First off I must admit that I believe my leg has been pulled. I am assured you sell Fluff in five-gallon buckets. This both entices and mortifies me. Who has a need for that much Fluff? When I checked your website though I see no such thing! Like I said, my leg’s been pulled, right? If you do sell it in five-gallon buckets can you tell me how much it would cost to send two…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 27, 2011
I regret to inform you I will be unable to attend your “Mike the Headless Chicken” festival in 2012. My friend Anthony Imperioli will also be unable to make it. We were looking forward to this festival and both believe if we’d been given more advanced notice we might have been able to attend. My friend Anthony would like pointers on creating his own headless chicken.…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 26, 2012
For reasons I won’t go into I sometimes call my Canadian friend Anthony Imperioli “Uni-ball” (it’s sort of a nickname). I thought it would be great fun to get him some of your pens as an inside joke. So I sent him some Uni-Ball Vision Elite Pens. He loved them and sent me a picture of a donkey as thanks. I’m still a Pilot Precise V5 Retractable Extra Fine Point Black…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: July 18, 2011
My friend Antony Imperioli insists on waxing various parts of his body (mostly his arms, legs, and chest). He says this causes him great amounts of pain and distress. For some time I have been trying to convince him to just shave. I can understand why a man wouldn’t want a razor anywhere near his intimates, but the rest of the body should be able to be shaved. I try to tell…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 26, 2012
Every year my friend Brian Broome taunts me with descriptions of the mythical Gobblerito. Every damn year! He says it’s turkey, black bean potatoes, stuffing, and corn, wrapped in a warm tortilla and covered in gravy, all served with a side of cranberries. I finally called him…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: January 23, 2017
I heard you had a night where people could come and drink beer and watch the animals getting it on. Is this true? What night is this and how much does it cost? Also, what kind of beer is there? Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen
Read: Full Letter
Sent: September 13, 2010
When I was a kid my mother had a set of medical books that had simple line drawings of various parts of anatomy and illness both common and exotic, along with some black and white photos of people with terrible deformities and birth defects. I used to spend a lot of time as a…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: April 14, 2015
Recently, renowned First Amendment Attorney Marc Randazza made some disparaging remarks about the “Elf on the Shelf.” He said: I guess as a First Amendment Attorney Mr. Randazza understands he can say any old crap he wants, but who would have his children play with “razor…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: December 5, 2012
First off, thanks for the free Subway breakfast sandwich! It was better than I expected. I do have one small complaint though. I had the Western Egg White Muffin Melt, but without meat. I tried to get turkey on it instead, since I don’t eat pork, but was told I couldn’t. I realize “beggars can’t be choosers,” but if the idea was to promote a new product this was a…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: May 4, 2010
I’ve always preferred Dr Pepper to Mr Pibb. 1. It’s better. 2. Mr Pibb is a bad knockoff. I was reading the history of Mr Pibb and saw they originally called it Dr Pibb, but that was seen as a trademark violation so they had to revoke his medical license (figuratively) and call it “Mr.” That’s such a lame name Personally I find it a damn shame they were allowed to…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: November 11, 2011
Every year my girlfriend tells me how good the the Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurry is and how it’s a damn shame that they don’t have it in the US. Now, I think America is the greatest country in the world and if we don’t have it then it’s just not worth having. This leaves me in a quandary. Either the Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurry is not as good as my girlfriend says or America…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 29, 2010
the other day famous British actor Finlay Robertson was going on about your stores and how they are evil. He said he’d never learn though, so I don’t think I would worry about it too much. Do you have any idea what you would have done to draw his ire? Mostly I am just curious. If you don’t know I guess I could try to ask him, but I don’t have his address. Do you? I…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 21, 2011
First off, let me assure you that I am not a child under the age of 18, so you can feel safe to reply to this letter. Next, I just wanted to say your pomegranate popsicles kick ass! I dig the variety packs as well (though I am not a fan of lime). I can eat a pomegranate popsicle and feel like I am being healthy as well as satisfying my cravings for sweets. Sometimes, when I am…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 20, 2010
The other day I was getting out a fresh roll of toilet paper and I noticed on the side of the box it says, “Now EPA Complaint.” I’m a huge fan of buying bulk (mostly because I am cheap!), but I’m a bit concerned. If this said “EPA Compliant” I wouldn’t be worried, but the addition of that “Now” makes it seem as though previously my bathroom tissue was not…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: February 11, 2011
Hypothetical #1: If I say, "It smells nice in here," and he says, "I pass a lot of gas," is that an HR thing, or can I legally kill him?
— jackassletters.com (@jackassletters) May 13, 2010
