Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.
I love your food and wish I could eat it all the time without getting bigger, but sadly, that is not possible.
I am not a skinny man. I am not confessing to anything, or making excuses. This is just a fact. It is what it is. Mostly, this is my own fault, but I do think you guys share some of the blame. I mean, a Grilled Chicken Breast Sandwich Combo Meal, a side of cheddar cheese curds, along with a dessert like a chocolate malt, and one can be looking at some serious calories. I try to make wise choices, but honestly, we both know I’m not cutting out either the curds or the dessert. The best I usually manage is substituting out the fries and the soft drink at lunch. I am a weak man in the face of good food.
I don’t eat red meat, so have never tried your steakburger, but they look great! Have you guys ever considered offering one of those fake meat burgers made with a quality meat substitute? Beyond Meat is the rage right now, but I am sure there are others. I’m not sure if this would help with the weight problem though.
What someone really needs to come out with are diet fried cheese curds!
Anyway, sorry about rambling. I do that when I get hungry.
Guess where I am going for lunch!
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
Read: Freddy’s Frozen Custard & Steakburgers Reply
Sent: January 21, 2020
I hope the coronavirus hasn’t hit you guys as hard as it hit the US. I don’t know who your President is, but I bet he’s smarter than mine. I haven’t left the house in like seven months and things aren’t looking up for me to be leaving any time soon. Stupid pandemic! But what is hardest for me is the food. I am doing all the cooking at home, and I miss good food so…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: October 16, 2020
I’m quite fond of your product. Here’s the deal, when I smell the fresh clean scent of Lysol, I know that shit is clean! It’s only when I walk in someplace and they are mopping with some mildly sudsy water and my sinuses don’t open up and my eyes don’t water that I question whether they are actually managing to get everything disinfected and sanitized. I mean, if you…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: March 11, 2020
I love your food and wish I could eat it all the time without getting bigger, but sadly, that is not possible.I am not a skinny man. I am not confessing to anything, or making excuses. This is just a fact. It is what it is. Mostly, this is my own fault, but I do think you guys share some of the blame. I mean, a Grilled Chicken Breast Sandwich Combo Meal, a side of cheddar…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: January 21, 2020
Recently, I ordered a couple sets of eyeballs, a wind up Llama, and a Valentine’s Day card with a sloth on it or something. I remember telling my partner, “Happy Slothentine’s Day!” when I gave it to her. I have to say I am quite happy with everything! They were a big hit. I haven’t really used the eyeballs for anything yet, but you never know when an extra set of…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: March 5, 2020
I’m just going to come right out and say it: I love eating at Pepperjax Grill! But I also have to come out and say that I don’t eat there as often as I would like due to the limited menu. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love everything on your menu, but there are only so many ways you can combine chicken with rice and cheese. Want that in a bowl? Sure. How about in a…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: January 25, 2020
Most nights when I get home I like to watch the news. I believe every citizen should do this to create a more informed and educated electorate. Now, I don’t want to get all political or anything, but seems to me there are a lot of incredible lapses in judgement and ethics being reported, so it got me to thinking that perhaps you guys had seen the writing on the wall and…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: January 21, 2020
I don’t think I’ve ever written a letter to France before, so I hope this gets to the right people! I’m writing in regards to the whole Sharon Stone controversy. I’m glad to see you dropped Sharon Stone like a hot potato, but what I don’t get is what took you so long? Want to talk about karma, putting her saggy funbags in any ad is a moral outrage. Any idiot could…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: May 29, 2008
This is a true story: When I was in basic training at Fort Benning in Georgia we were doing rifle training and a bunch of us were on the firing line. There were 10 guys or so with two clips of 20 rounds each. A gaggle of turkeys came onto the range and the tower called a ceasefire. There had to be 20-30 of these wild turkeys! Wild turkeys are much smaller than a real turkey.…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 22, 2010
On the back of your packaging you state, “Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.” Then later it says, “CAUTION: KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN. HARMFUL IF SWALLOWED. EYE IRRITANT.” Which is it? Is your product safe to use around children or not? Also, I’ve seen some pretty horrible parenting…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 4, 2009
You really should come out with scented Sharpies. When you use them as often as I do they can give you quite a headache. I think scented Sharpies would sell way better and be very popular in the high schools! Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: July 1, 2009
I know you’ll be anxious to get to get to the end of this letter just so you can get to work on my idea! Just skip to the end of the next paragraph if all you’re interested in is making lots more money and launching a new product. I noticed on your website that you make nair, nair for men, and many pet products. Well, as you know cat hair is everywhere! I get a near…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: June 9, 2008
recently you had Jerry O’Connell on your show and you showed him how to make a wooden bunny lamp to go into his twin’s nursery. This is cool and all, but a better guest would be Anthony Michael Hall! He’d be so much cooler to have on your show. Do you remember an iconic film called “The Breakfast Club,” written and directed by John Hughes? Well, in this movie Anthony…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 30, 2009
My friend Anthony Imperioli keeps wanting to take me hunting. He says, “We’ll kill something big!” He’s Canadian so I think this means caribou, moose, elk, or bear, but I’m not entirely sure, and he won’t tell me! Thing is, I am not certain that Anthony likes me as much as I like him and he’s overly insistent on this hunting trip! I’d like to select a rifle that…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: January 17, 2012
My friend Anthony Imperioli wants both a cocker spaniel and a poodle. Unfortunately he can’t have both with his prior track record of not being able to care for more than one pet at a time (don’t even ask about the miniature donkeys!), so I suggested he get a cockapoo! At first he wouldn’t believe there was any such thing, but when I showed him pictures he instantly fell…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: August 15, 2011
Thanks for allowing me to visit your museum. It was a special treat to see the Bil Baird puppets! I sat through as much of the DVD as I could, but didn’t get it all watched (I’m a pacer and that room wasn’t conducive to pacing). I thought it was quite wonderful and would like to buy a copy. I bought the poster, and would have bought the DVD if it was available. I’m…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 20, 2010
My friend Anthony Imperioli has a lot of accidents. At least that’s what he says (I think it’s just poor planning on his part!). I’m 10 years older than him and I don’t have any where hear as many accidents as Anthony, so I thought he’d probably benefit from one of your Pee-Wee bags. I was going to send him one of the trial ones, but Anthony is in Canada and last time…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: April 6, 2011
I have this Canadian friend named Anthony Imperioli, and I was thinking of sending him some of your product. Anthony is nearly legally blind and has quite the hairy hands (if you know what I mean!). He’s constantly complaining about friction burns and hand fatigue. I asked at my local pharmacy if there was anything I could send Anthony to alleviate his discomfort and the old…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: July 14, 2011
Anyone who says other potato chips are better than yours is plainly lying! The other day I found one in my belly button. True story! (It was leftover from eating chips the day before.) My Canadian friend wanted to know if I ate it. Of course I did! Who wouldn’t? It had ripples. Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 10, 2011
Do I have to be a zombie to like brains? Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen
Read: Full Letter
Sent: May 1, 2012
I heard you had a night where people could come and drink beer and watch the animals getting it on. Is this true? What night is this and how much does it cost? Also, what kind of beer is there? Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen
Read: Full Letter
Sent: September 13, 2010
I absolutely love your FrankFormer! I’ve never outgrown my need to play with my food. I would never actually eat a hotdog (I saw on TV hotdogs are made from “pink slime” and who would ever eat that?), but I think making them into little people is great fun. I think you…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: May 3, 2012
Can I get an autographed photo? This would make my day. I live a fairly disappointing life, so if there’s anything you can do to make it even slightly better, I would appreciate this. I find myself in desperate need of some money and I recently read that you are suing people…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: March 7, 2020
Dear TJ Maxx, I’m a bit confused. This is nothing new. What is new is that I found out your stores are called T.J. Maxx in the US and TK Maxx in the UK. Why is this? Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 21, 2011
I wanted to send something along to make someone’s life easier, but I don’t really have a lot to send along. In fact, I wish I was on the receiving end of the ease for once if you know what I mean (you probably don’t)! A long time ago, I read an article, about how after hurricane Andrew blew through, the Red Cross put out a call for donations of items, and was inundated…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: August 27, 2010
You’re twice as cool as Michael’s. Just thought you should know that. Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 10, 2008
I’ve always preferred Dr Pepper to Mr Pibb. 1. It’s better. 2. Mr Pibb is a bad knockoff. I was reading the history of Mr Pibb and saw they originally called it Dr Pibb, but that was seen as a trademark violation so they had to revoke his medical license (figuratively) and call it “Mr.” That’s such a lame name Personally I find it a damn shame they were allowed to…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: November 11, 2011
I would like to sponsor your poor black boy by sending you “paper money of any denomination in an envelope,” but unfortunately, I am not wealthy enough to do so. In fact, it cost me about a buck to send you this letter, so I am requesting you compensate me fully for this! Please send me $1 USD. If you do so I promise I won’t sleep on your couch if I ever visit Australia.…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: November 21, 2008
Enclosed you will find $6 for two memberships to the Uncle Interloper International Fan Club! These memberships are gift memberships for "Donkey Hoté" and "Spank the Monkey." Someday these two will have their own TV show and own fan clubs, but in the meantime they will be forced to bask in the greatness that is Uncle Interloper. Spank and Hoté liked the first episode of…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: January 7, 2013
I am a bit tired.
— jackassletters.com (@jackassletters) September 15, 2008
