Dear Puddles Pity Party

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

April 14, 2015

Puddles Pity Party
PO Box 374
Avondale Estates GA 30002

Dear Puddles Pity Party,

Enclosed you will find a not so crisp $10.00 for a handmade Puddles Crown. I would like it to be puppet sized, so if you make me one for a small child this should work just fine! If they are one-size-fits-all then I will make do with whatever you send me. I would have just bought this online, but I am afraid the NSA is tracking me, and I would also like an autographed photo!

You can make the photo out to “Christopher L. Jorgensen,” since that is my name.

Every now and again someone like you comes along and I think, “Man, I wish that guy were gay,” then I remember I’m not gay, so it really wouldn’t change anything, but if both of us were gay you would totally be my type! I would totally love being sung to and then going home with a clown. What homosexual man wouldn’t love this?

I hope to make it to one of your shows, but so far you keep playing in countries I have no interest in visiting or in States rational people try to avoid. Please come to Iowa. We let gay people get married here.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. A friend of mine is a member of the clown guild, which I find funny, since this makes him an honest to god card carrying clown. He doesn’t get why I think this is funny, so I question his sense of humor. So I was wondering if you were a member of the clown guild? I’d tell you my friend’s name and ask if you knew him, but I know there are just too many clowns out there for you to know them all!