Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

August 5, 2011

OPUS
PO Box 320174
Los Gatos, CA 95032-0174

Dear OPUS,

My friend Anthony Imperioli seldom shuts up about his “abduction.” It’s nothing original, just the stereotypical tale of gray beings that come at night—in flying saucers—to take him away to be researched on and probed. Anthony even believes he has an implant in his brain that allows aliens to track his every movement and that the Canadian government put it there!

I try to explain to him that the Harper administration is not colluding with aliens, and no one really cares what he does or how he spends his day, so why would aliens travel across the galaxy to to single out Anthony of all people? This is when he says his cousins Giuseppe Imperioli and Ferruccio Dante Michelangelo Benvenuto Imperioli (named after the famous Italian composer) have also been taken aboard spacecraft. (I guess aliens have a thing for Italians.) Admittedly, Anthony does have a special glow about him, but I don’t think this has anything to do with Aliens!

Anyway, I keep telling Anthony that he needs professional help, so I was wondering if you could suggest anyone in the Montreal area?

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen