Christopher L. Jorgensen is Not Your Own Personal Jesus

Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.


Worst of Jackass Letters

Dear Hobby Lobby,

You’re twice as cool as Michael’s. Just thought you should know that. Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 10, 2008

Dear David Thorne,

I would like to sponsor your poor black boy by sending you “paper money of any denomination in an envelope,” but unfortunately, I am not wealthy enough to do so. In fact, it cost me about a buck to send you this letter, so I am requesting you compensate me fully for this! Please send me $1 USD. If you do so I promise I won’t sleep on your couch if I ever visit Australia.…

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: November 21, 2008

Dear Archer Farms,

I love your products. Well, the potato chips anyway. I’ve bought some of the other things like various pastas and such, but didn’t like those as well. Your four cheese pasta wasn’t very good, and I wasn’t that big of a fan of the crackers I had, but then I like potato chips better than crackers regardless. Thanks, Christopher L. Jorgensen

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 11, 2008

Dear Exotic Feline Rescue Center,

Merry Christmas! Every year around this time my thoughts turn to Christmas, which then makes me think of Jesus, which makes me think of Christians, which makes me think of lions, and then I smile.  I looked at your gift store online and didn’t see what I wanted, but I decided to send you $20 anyway. What would make my day is a lucky lion’s tooth (or bobcat or leopard…

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: December 10, 2010

Dear TJ Maxx,

Dear TJ Maxx, I’m a bit confused. This is nothing new. What is new is that I found out your stores are called T.J. Maxx in the US and TK Maxx in the UK. Why is this? Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 21, 2011

Dear TK Maxx,

the other day famous British actor Finlay Robertson was going on about your stores and how they are evil. He said he’d never learn though, so I don’t think I would worry about it too much. Do you have any idea what you would have done to draw his ire? Mostly I am just curious. If you don’t know I guess I could try to ask him, but I don’t have his address. Do you? I…

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 21, 2011

Dear Red Cross,

I wanted to send something along to make someone’s life easier, but I don’t really have a lot to send along. In fact, I wish I was on the receiving end of the ease for once if you know what I mean (you probably don’t)! A long time ago, I read an article, about how after hurricane Andrew blew through, the Red Cross put out a call for donations of items, and was inundated…

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: August 27, 2010

Dear Georgia-Pacific,

The other day I was getting out a fresh roll of toilet paper and I noticed on the side of the box it says, “Now EPA Complaint.” I’m a huge fan of buying bulk (mostly because I am cheap!), but I’m a bit concerned. If this said “EPA Compliant” I wouldn’t be worried, but the addition of that “Now” makes it seem as though previously my bathroom tissue was not…

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: February 11, 2011

Dear Luxor,

I am including a $5 chip that I inadvertently forgot to cash in while I was in Las Vegas. I don’t think there will be any tax implications for either of us if you just send me a check to the above address, but if there is, can you please include whatever form I need to fill out? I realize $5 isn’t a lot of money to most people, but it is to me, so I hope whoever opens this…

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: December 5, 2009

Dear Subway,

First off, thanks for the free Subway breakfast sandwich! It was better than I expected. I do have one small complaint though. I had the Western Egg White Muffin Melt, but without meat. I tried to get turkey on it instead, since I don’t eat pork, but was told I couldn’t. I realize “beggars can’t be choosers,” but if the idea was to promote a new product this was a…

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: May 4, 2010

Dear Cadbury,

Every year my girlfriend tells me how good the the Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurry is and how it’s a damn shame that they don’t have it in the US. Now, I think America is the greatest country in the world and if we don’t have it then it’s just not worth having. This leaves me in a quandary. Either the Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurry is not as good as my girlfriend says or America…

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 29, 2010

Dear Celestial Seasonings,

I just finished a box of your Raspberry Zinger tea (obviously not in one sitting!) and found it quite enjoyable. I just thought you should know this. I’ve also drank your Tangerine Orange Zinger tea. It’s quite good as well, but I like the raspberry better. You should make a Pomegranate zinger tea. I’d probably like that the best. Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen

Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 20, 2010


Complete Worst of Jackass Letters

These are the worst letters Jackass Letters has to offer. There really is little of redeeming value here. You should find something better to do with your life.



Points of Interest