Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.
One Iowa man's epistolary love affair for a Canadian he's never met.
I have a friend in Canada named Anthony Imperioli and I am pretty sure he has one of your GPS devices in his Nissan Cube. I was wondering what would be required to get a print out of his whereabouts. I’m not talking in real time or anything (that would be creepy). I don’t want to stalk the guy! No, I am thinking something more along the lines of an historical record of…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: May 11, 2011
For reasons I won’t go into I sometimes call my Canadian friend Anthony Imperioli “Uni-ball” (it’s sort of a nickname). I thought it would be great fun to get him some of your pens as an inside joke. So I sent him some Uni-Ball Vision Elite Pens. He loved them and sent me a picture of a donkey as thanks. I’m still a Pilot Precise V5 Retractable Extra Fine Point Black…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: July 18, 2011
My friend Anthony Imperioli is Canadian too! Do you know him? He’s a pretty cool guy. He does a puppet show on the internet that is pretty good, but sometimes it makes me question his sanity. What normal adult plays with puppets? You should get Anthony to come on your show. He lives in Montreal. I have no idea how far this is away from Oshawa, but I’d bet he’d make the…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: August 5, 2011
I always say, “What happens in the broom closet stays in the broom closet,” well, unless you get some on a sweater. (Don’t worry if this makes no sense. Few things in life do!) Anyway, I had occasion to do a search of the internets for “white spot” and I found your restaurants! (This is not at all what I was looking for.) I checked out your menu and decided I wanted…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: November 24, 2012
A friend told me all about Barnesville Potatoe Days, and it sounds quite exciting, but I had no idea Minnesota was famous for potatoes. I always thought that was Idaho, so I looked on a map and Barnesville isn’t anywhere near Idaho! Regardless, if my friend can be believed Potatoe Days sounds amazing. I mean where else can you get Norwegian lefse, German potato pancakes, and…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: January 22, 2009
My friend Anthony Imperioli is saddened to learn he is disqualified to compete in your pole dancing competitions on two fronts. One, he’s a dude. Two, he’s Canadian. I told him he should write about becoming a judge instead, but that boy is shy, so I am writing you on his behalf! I’m guessing there are few female pole dancing judges, but I could be wrong (I often am!), so…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: September 27, 2011
Do you sell adult men’s leotards? I’m asking you for a friend. I know you probably get that a lot, but in this case it’s true! His name is Anthony Imperioli and he’s looking for something that has a bit of a shimmer or dazzle to it without being all sequined. I’m guessing you don’t but I told him I’d ask. Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen
Read: Full Letter
Sent: September 10, 2010
re: 55 Gallon Steel Drum I’m not saying I’m going to do this, but I was wanting to know if I took a 55 gallon steel drum and insured it was well venellated, would I be able to ship myself to Canada? I was thinking of visiting my friend Anthony Imperioli and this seems like a highly economical way to go about it. I’d want to do this legally, of course, so I would declare…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: January 17, 2012
I have a friend that lives in Canada named Anthony Imperioli and he’s all the time trying to get me to visit. I thought I might give it a shot and since he’s Italian I thought maybe we could eat at an Olive Garden while I was there. I’m afraid if I leave dining choices up to Anthony he’ll want to go to some “authentic” Italian place. That’s probably fine, but you…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: April 6, 2011
I have this friend and he likes you a lot for some reason, but Canadians also like poutine, so I wouldn’t take too much stock in this! This guy does all kinds of favors for me for no reason at all really (I don’t pay him to be my friend). I thought I would try to do something nice and get an autographed photo for him to frame and cherish forever. Can I get you to make out a…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 1, 2010
I’m not gay or anything, but sometimes certain men have some kind of hold over me. I mean hot is hot if you know what I mean. Like I have this Canadian friend who’s a bit more attractive than he should be. If Anthony Imperioli wasn’t so far away, and if we both didn’t have girlfriends, I don’t know where things would lead! This thought keeps me up at night! So I was…
Read: Full Letter & Reply
Sent: September 13, 2010
I used to be a materialistic man beset by the earthly wants and needs of the typical American consumer of commercial products. I did my best to keep the economy going and to embrace Capitalism. All hail the mighty dollar! I bought things I didn’t need with money I didn’t have in the search of the perfect purchase to make me happy. Yet, I was empty inside. But then I met…
Read: Full Letter
Sent: January 31, 2012
