Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.
One Iowa man's epistolary love affair for a Canadian he's never met.
I have this friend and he likes you a lot for some reason, but Canadians also like poutine, so I wouldn’t take too much stock in this! This guy does all kinds of favors for me for no reason at all really (I don’t pay him to be my friend). I thought I would try to do something nice and get an autographed photo for him to frame and cherish forever. Can I get you to make out a…
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Sent: September 1, 2010
My friend Antony Imperioli insists on waxing various parts of his body (mostly his arms, legs, and chest). He says this causes him great amounts of pain and distress. For some time I have been trying to convince him to just shave. I can understand why a man wouldn’t want a razor anywhere near his intimates, but the rest of the body should be able to be shaved. I try to tell…
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Sent: April 26, 2012
I’m not gay or anything, but sometimes certain men have some kind of hold over me. I mean hot is hot if you know what I mean. Like I have this Canadian friend who’s a bit more attractive than he should be. If Anthony Imperioli wasn’t so far away, and if we both didn’t have girlfriends, I don’t know where things would lead! This thought keeps me up at night! So I was…
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Sent: September 13, 2010
I was thinking of getting a friend of mine, Anthony Imperioli, a Zippo. I don’t know if he smokes or not, but since he’s Canadian I figured he would start if I got him a cool enough lighter. They have nationalized healthcare in Canada so if he got a smoker’s cough or black lung or cancer or something it really wouldn’t be that expensive for him to get the very best…
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Sent: October 24, 2011
I used to be a materialistic man beset by the earthly wants and needs of the typical American consumer of commercial products. I did my best to keep the economy going and to embrace Capitalism. All hail the mighty dollar! I bought things I didn’t need with money I didn’t have in the search of the perfect purchase to make me happy. Yet, I was empty inside. But then I met…
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Sent: January 31, 2012
A friend told me all about Barnesville Potatoe Days, and it sounds quite exciting, but I had no idea Minnesota was famous for potatoes. I always thought that was Idaho, so I looked on a map and Barnesville isn’t anywhere near Idaho! Regardless, if my friend can be believed Potatoe Days sounds amazing. I mean where else can you get Norwegian lefse, German potato pancakes, and…
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Sent: January 22, 2009
I have a friend in Canada named Anthony Imperioli and I am pretty sure he has one of your GPS devices in his Nissan Cube. I was wondering what would be required to get a print out of his whereabouts. I’m not talking in real time or anything (that would be creepy). I don’t want to stalk the guy! No, I am thinking something more along the lines of an historical record of…
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Sent: May 11, 2011
I am so confused. I mean, I know people shave their balls, but why? If God meant for us to shave down there he wouldn’t have given us hair down there, right? Real men have hair! Are some men just unnaturally hairy in the nether regions? I’ve long suspected my friend Anthony Imperioli shaves his balls, but that makes a bit of sense, because I know of few men hairier, but…
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Sent: February 28, 2020
The other day my friend Anthony Imperioli was spouting off about how your talking nipple commercial sucks. I couldn’t tell if his clever wordplay was deliberate, but I thought any nipple commercial should suck since that’s what nipples are for (if you ask me)! But then he said, and I quote, “(it) is about as funny as a goat abortion.” That’s not funny at all (and I…
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Sent: August 15, 2011
My friend Anthony Imperioli is quite upset by your new box design for your Envirokidz Organic Gorilla Munch cereal. He’s an emotional lad though and Italian, so that guy will get bent out of shape over just about anything. He was wailing and gnashing his teeth and crying out, “I’m so angry, my Jimmies are rustled! Rustled!” He was what we Americans refer to as…
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Sent: January 24, 2013
My friend Anthony Imperioli has a problem I would like to help him with. He’s Canadian and farts a lot. There’s not much to be done about the being Canadian part, but the boy is gassier than all get out and sometimes I think I can smell him from here! (As you can see from my address I live in the US.) I did a search to see if there were any products to help Anthony out and…
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Sent: February 6, 2013
I’m all for penalizing the Canadians for being Canadian, but what I don’t get is why it costs them more to join your organization if they are paying in US dollars. If my friend Anthony Imperioli (he’s Canadian) has to pay $45 to join your fine organization, I don’t quite get why I can get in for as little as $35 if we’re both paying in fine American currency! I’m…
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Sent: March 29, 2011
