Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.
One Iowa man's epistolary love affair for a Canadian he's never met.
Thanks for allowing me to visit your museum. It was a special treat to see the Bil Baird puppets! I sat through as much of the DVD as I could, but didn’t get it all watched (I’m a pacer and that room wasn’t conducive to pacing). I thought it was quite wonderful and would like to buy a copy. I bought the poster, and would have bought the DVD if it was available. I’m…
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Sent: September 20, 2010
I regret to inform you I will be unable to attend your “Mike the Headless Chicken” festival in 2012. My friend Anthony Imperioli will also be unable to make it. We were looking forward to this festival and both believe if we’d been given more advanced notice we might have been able to attend. My friend Anthony would like pointers on creating his own headless chicken.…
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Sent: April 26, 2012
I would have been so much more impressed if, instead of, “World’s Largest Catsup Bottle” you were “World’s Largest Bottle of Catsup.” That one word is a world of difference. I want there to be real Catsup in there! That would be so cool. if people could go to the tap and get hot water, cold water, or catsup. I’m a bit saddened to learn that I’ve missed the…
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Sent: September 13, 2010
I have a friend that lives in Canada named Anthony Imperioli and he’s all the time trying to get me to visit. I thought I might give it a shot and since he’s Italian I thought maybe we could eat at an Olive Garden while I was there. I’m afraid if I leave dining choices up to Anthony he’ll want to go to some “authentic” Italian place. That’s probably fine, but you…
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Sent: April 6, 2011
I’m all for penalizing the Canadians for being Canadian, but what I don’t get is why it costs them more to join your organization if they are paying in US dollars. If my friend Anthony Imperioli (he’s Canadian) has to pay $45 to join your fine organization, I don’t quite get why I can get in for as little as $35 if we’re both paying in fine American currency! I’m…
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Sent: March 29, 2011
My friend Anthony Imperioli is most likely beyond hope (and not just because he’s Canadian), but I was wondering how I could get him out of the frying pan and yet save him from the fire (so to speak). I’ve sent him emails asking him to mend his Godless ways, but I don’t think he sees anything wrong with his behavior! I am sure Anthony is destined for the lake of fire, and…
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Sent: March 28, 2011
I was thinking of getting a friend of mine, Anthony Imperioli, a Zippo. I don’t know if he smokes or not, but since he’s Canadian I figured he would start if I got him a cool enough lighter. They have nationalized healthcare in Canada so if he got a smoker’s cough or black lung or cancer or something it really wouldn’t be that expensive for him to get the very best…
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Sent: October 24, 2011
I am so confused. I mean, I know people shave their balls, but why? If God meant for us to shave down there he wouldn’t have given us hair down there, right? Real men have hair! Are some men just unnaturally hairy in the nether regions? I’ve long suspected my friend Anthony Imperioli shaves his balls, but that makes a bit of sense, because I know of few men hairier, but…
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Sent: February 28, 2020
Anyone who says other potato chips are better than yours is plainly lying! The other day I found one in my belly button. True story! (It was leftover from eating chips the day before.)My Canadian friend wanted to know if I ate it. Of course I did! Who wouldn’t? It had ripples.Sincerely, Christopher L. Jorgensen
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Sent: April 10, 2011
You guys gave my Canadian friend Anthony Imperioli a Nissan Cube and I think that’s pretty cool. I was wondering what I would have to do to get one? Sure, I know I could buy or lease a Cube, but that wouldn’t be as cool as winning one. So I am hoping you’ll come out with some kind of contest I could enter (or are these kinds of contests only for Canadians?). I voted for…
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Sent: March 28, 2011
I would love to see my Canadian friend, Anthony Imperioli, in a pair of tight fitting yoga pants, but unfortunately I don’t have a hundred dollars to buy them for him (even as a Christmas present), so I imagine Anthony will have to do his yoga pantsless. I was hoping I could get one of your “John Galt” shopping bags instead. I hear these aren’t going over very well, but…
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Sent: November 18, 2011
I have this Canadian friend named Anthony Imperioli, and I was thinking of sending him some of your product. Anthony is nearly legally blind and has quite the hairy hands (if you know what I mean!). He’s constantly complaining about friction burns and hand fatigue. I asked at my local pharmacy if there was anything I could send Anthony to alleviate his discomfort and the old…
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Sent: July 14, 2011
