Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

August 15, 2011

Dingo Brand
United Pet Group
7794 Five Mile Road
Cincinnati, OH 45230

Dear Dingo Brand,

Every time my friend Anthony Imperioli walks down the pet treat aisle and he sees your products he shouts out “Dingos ate my baby!” in his best Australian accent. This is embarrassing for obvious reasons, not the least of which, being Canadian his Australian accent really sucks. Then he always proceeds to ask me if I knew that there was a fictional band named “Dingos Ate My Baby” on Buffy the Vampire Slayer the TV series. Of course I know this! Who doesn’t? Besides, he’s told me this like a thousand times. He’s so predictable this way that I’ve quit going down the pet treat aisle with him and let Anthony accost strangers instead. (Ever since the accident I’m quite concerned for his mental stability!)

Anyway, he’s now got it in his head that he wants a real live dingo as a pet. I’ve tried dissuading him, telling him this isn’t a good idea, but Anthony is quite convinced he needs a dingo. Do you know where he could get one in North America? Barring this, what do you think my chances of convincing him a cockapoo is really a dingo?

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen