Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

August 15, 2011

Coors Brewing Company
P.O. Box 4030
NH475
Golden, CO, 80401

Dear Coors,

The other day my friend Anthony Imperioli was spouting off about how your talking nipple commercial sucks. I couldn’t tell if his clever wordplay was deliberate, but I thought any nipple commercial should suck since that’s what nipples are for (if you ask me)! But then he said, and I quote, “(it) is about as funny as a goat abortion.” That’s not funny at all (and I know!).

It was my suggestion that Anthony write you a letter to express his distaste for this sucking nipple commercial, but that boy has more than a lazy eye. In fact, every bone in his strapping young frame is quite lazy, so I doubt he’ll ever get around to writing you. I am taking it upon myself to write you on his his behalf. I think he went overboard with the goat abortion comment, but he wanted you to know how he felt.

I don’t think I’d worry about him too much though. I doubt he has good taste in beer and doubt he’d ever drink Coors. Besides, he’s Canadian and most people don’t pay them no never-mind.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. being American I haven’t seen this commercial, but I am quite sure Anthony is overreacting since he is often prone to hysterics.