Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

July 6, 2011

Blairex Laboratories, Inc.
dba: Boudreaux’s Butt Paste
1600 Brian Drive P.O. Box 2127
Columbus, IN 47202-2127

Dear Boudreaux’s Butt Paste,

I have this Canadian friend named Anthony Imperioli who acts all butt hurt all the time. He’s a sensitive guy and the slightest thing sets him off. There’s nothing worse than when a Canadian Italian man turns on the waterworks! Anyway, I was thinking of sending him a tub of your butt paste, but I am afraid it will get confiscated by overzealous border agents determined to keep Canada safe from wayward butt paste.

Mind you, I don’t know if he has an actual need for the stuff (it wouldn’t surprise me if their socialized medicine gives out free butt paste), but I was thinking sending him some butt paste would make the perfect point and maybe get him to man up a bit (the man shaves his chest for jimminy’s sake!). I’m guessing it’ll backfire and he’ll end up crying about getting a tub of butt paste. (I plan to still do it though).

I’d like to send him the biggest tub you have. What size would this be? I’m thinking anything over a 5 gallon bucket would be cost prohibitive to mail, but I might still consider it if you have larger.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen