Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

January 28, 2020

Choice Screening
8668 Concord Center Dr.
Englewood, CO 80112

Dear Choice Screening,

​I haven’t always been the upstanding and law-abiding citizen who is currently writing this letter. I have done my fair share of immoral acts and made a few poor choices in life. Who hasn’t? But I sometimes live in fear of it all coming out! I mean, we all have skeletons in our closets, right?

So I was wondering how much it would cost me to have you do a deep dive on my life, just to see what all you can dig up, so I can get out ahead of it. I mean, the whole package. Everything you offer: criminal background & reference checks, credit scores & bank account balances, law enforcement wants & warrants, IQ, DNA database searches & genetic profile, religious background, sexual history, social media crawls, extremest group memberships, my medical history, bar fights, drug history and current testing, military records, grade school records, and anything else you think could eventually be used against me while looking for a job or in a court of law.

I know this won’t be free, and I know I won’t come back squeaky clean. I’ve done and said some shit that I’m not proud of. This seems like a great way for me to find out what all I need to apologize for, what I need to make restitution for, and what I need to just hire someone to make go away. I may even hire you guys to clean up all of my messes. I am hoping your company is discrete and this request and any results are 100% confidential, since the last thing I need is you guys being the ones to leak opposition research on myself.

If you can’t help me out, that’s fine, but it seems like you guys offer a decent service and I have some money. Let me know what all you need to make this happen!

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen