Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

April 8, 2013

Mr. Colin B. Purrington
226 Rutgers Avenue
Swarthmore, PA 19081

Dear Colin B. Purrington,

I read on your blog you claim to be both a scientist and to have survived the consumption of GMO tomatoes. I call bullshit on this! Anecdotal evidence means bupkis! I can go into correlation and causation and such, but honestly if you were a real scientist you would know this shit. There’s also the difficulty of timelines. Sure, you’ve survived GMO tomatoes SO FAR, but what happens if these tomatoes kill you in another five to ten years? Where’s your control group‽ Are you sure you are a scientist? Don’t make me sic Jenny McCarthy on you!

I also read you were wanting a human head shipped to you, and you are quoted as saying this expense can be “considerable for human body parts.” Again, I call bullshit. If there is one thing I learned from the movie “Jerry Maguire” the average human head weighs 8 pounds. You might not be aware, but the USPS has launched a campaign that says, “If it fits is ships!” Not that I have shipped many human heads, but I am sure the cost should be reasonable. The is America we’re talking about!

Also, I am sorry you are in denial about your funny looking kids. Seriously dude, total “FLK!”

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen