Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

December 5, 2012

CCA and B
The Elf on the Shelf
1174 Hayes Industrial Drive
Marietta, GA 30062

Dear Elf on the Shelf,

Recently, renowned First Amendment Attorney Marc Randazza made some disparaging remarks about the “Elf on the Shelf.” He said:

“This ‘Elf on the Shelf’ crap is going too far. Have you read this shit? It is like the Department of Homeland Security created a toy and a story for the sole purpose of making our children grow up less resistant to a surveillance society. Fuck you, Elf on the Shelf! I’d rather let my kids play with razor blades and porn.”

I guess as a First Amendment Attorney Mr. Randazza understands he can say any old crap he wants, but who would have his children play with “razor blades and porn” rather than have an “Elf on the Shelf?” I say, a child hating, porn loving lawyer, that grew up without an “Elf on the Shelf” obviously!

Now, I don’t buy Mr. Randazza’s conspiracy theory about Department of Homeland Security surveillance. It’s not like we need indoctrination by cute toys to accept surveillance. Most Americans lead too boring of lives for anyone to worry much about.

My questions for you:

1. Does Santa know about Marc Randazza?
2. Should I still send Marc a Christmas card?
3. How many elves does the TSA employ?

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen