Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

September 8, 2012

Del. Emmett C. Burns, Jr. (D), District 10
House Office Building, Room 309
6 Bladen St., Annapolis, MD 21401

Dear Emmett C. Burns,

Let’s dispense with the obvious question: Are you sure you are a Democrat? Seriously, the anti-gay rhetoric is usually reserved for the Republican party. They write it into their platform! So, are you a closeted Republican? It’s fine if you are. There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you are a Republican.

Now, I have to ask, have you ever sucked a long and hard cock? I’m just wondering, since, in my experience, when a bigot (such as yourself), makes a public ass of himself (like you have), it’s not long before evidence comes forth the anti-gay individual is, in fact, himself gay. So, are you a closeted homosexual? It’s fine if you are. There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you are a homosexual.

Lastly, I’m not gay or anything, but I was wondering if you could send me an autographed photo for me to masturbate to and onto (actually, please send two!). You’re a handsome fellow, and I don’t care about the rumors insisting you have a small penis. I dig old black dudes with silver hair and a small penis (who doesn’t?).

Please give me your immediate response.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. Like you, Chris Kluwe is obviously in denial! That dude is totally into science fiction and video games. We both know what this means: Virgin!

cc: Media