Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
September 20, 2014
FLIR Systems, Inc.
27700 SW Parkway Ave.
Wilsonville, OR 97070
Dear FLIR Systems,
I want a Flir One personal thermal imager something fierce, but have to admit I can’t get myself to part with $349. It’s not that I think the Flir One isn’t worth this, and it’s not that I couldn’t scrape that much money together (I could sell plasma or drugs or something), but I think what else I could do with $349. For $349 I could buy one of those new Apple watches. For $349 I could take my girlfriend on one hell of a date. I’m not sure what we would do, but I am fairly certain it would be memorable at that price, and probably involve a llama or a goat. For $349 I could sit down at a poker table and if lady luck smiled I could walk away one of the richest men in America! I can dream, can’t I? Just like I can dream of owning a Flir One.
See, I would probably think nothing of dropping $349 on a Flir One if I only knew what I would do with it. I would like to imagine I’d make something awesome, but chances are I’d just record myself masturbating (to see if I got hotter) or perhaps I’d make the world’s first infrared puppet video (do you know if this has been done before?). I’d probably for sure set it up with a motion sensor in front of a mousetrap just to watch one of those buggers die and go from hot to cold. Or maybe I could make a series of internet cat videos where the cats look all devilish.
Wow, the more I think about it the more I want one, but I still can’t justify the price. Maybe if I ever successfully sell one of my kidneys (you don’t know anyone that’s in the market do you?). You wouldn’t have any idea how many acts of prostitution I would have to commit to get a Flir One do you? I’m thinking no more than three, but maybe I am way off on that.
Well, if I ever do get one I’ll be sure to let you know what I use it for. Don’t worry, it probably won’t be anything illegal!
Christopher L. Jorgensen
p.s. I think I would like to set up a motion sensitive video and point it to a mouse trap and watch that sucker snap and die! He’s slowly cool for hours and I bet people with mouse problems would love to watch that sucker cool1
If I had it all to do over again I would change my name to Aldo become a budget-based hitman who killed on a sliding-scale according to what people could afford and who really enjoyed his work and believed he was making the world a better place one assassination at a time.— jackassletters.com (@jackassletters) January 10, 2020