Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
September 30, 2009
c/o Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia
11 W 42nd Street
New York, NY 10036
Dear Martha Stewart,
recently you had Jerry O’Connell on your show and you showed him how to make a wooden bunny lamp to go into his twin’s nursery. This is cool and all, but a better guest would be Anthony Michael Hall! He’d be so much cooler to have on your show.
Do you remember an iconic film called “The Breakfast Club,” written and directed by John Hughes? Well, in this movie Anthony Michael Hall plays a character named Brian Johnson that sets a flare gun off in his locker all because he couldn’t make an elephant lamp!
So I figure it’s about time someone showed Hall/Johnson how to make this lamp work. And since Anthony Michael Hall’s show “The Dead Zone” has been canceled I don’t really see him saying no! It’s all a perfect tie-in. An out of work actor, a recently dead writer/director, and it’s coming up on the 25th anniversary of “The Breakfast Club.” This all comes together! Please consider doing this. It would be a total nostalgia kick for anyone who grew up in the 80’s.
“See we had this assignment, to make this ceramic elephant, and um—and we had eight weeks to do it and we’re s’posed ta, and it was like a lamp, and when you pull the trunk the light was s’posed to go on. My light didn’t go on, I got a F on it.”
Christopher L. Jorgensen
p.s. any way I can get an autographed photo?
[Editor’s note: The idea for this letter was inspired by this post on the Ironic Sans website.]
Thank you for contacting Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.
In order to expedite an autographed photograph request, please send
your request with a self-addressed stamped 9-by-13-inch envelope
with appropriate padding to:
Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia
ATTN: Customer Relations
11 W 42nd St
New York NY 10036
We will only fulfill requests that include U.S. postage.
We cannot process requests with return coupons.
Martha will autograph her approved photograph only.
She will not autograph magazine covers or other materials.
Only one request per household, please.
Due to Martha’s schedule, please allow 6-8 weeks for your
autographed photo request to be completed.
We appreciate your patience.
Hypothetical #1: If I say, "It smells nice in here," and he says, "I pass a lot of gas," is that an HR thing, or can I legally kill him?— jackassletters.com (@jackassletters) May 13, 2010