Professional Idiot: Do Not Try This At Home

Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.

Dear Off the Wagon

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

March 5, 2020

Off the Wagon
152 E. Main Street
Kent OH 44240

Dear Off the Wagon,

​Recently, I ordered a couple sets of eyeballs, a wind up Llama, and a Valentine’s Day card with a sloth on it or something. I remember telling my partner, “Happy Slothentine’s Day!” when I gave it to her. I have to say I am quite happy with everything! They were a big hit. I haven’t really used the eyeballs for anything yet, but you never know when an extra set of eyes will come in handy. I love your website and your products and if I am ever in Ohio I will for sure stop by your store. You probably won’t get me to leave if I do! You can always get a court order if you have to. Ha ha!

I bet Off the Wagon is a fun place to work and if I’d made better choices in life perhaps I would have the right experience to apply. Oh, who am I kidding? We both know I’d never pass the background check. Besides, who wants to live in Ohio?

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you brightened my existence slightly and that’s all we can really ask of each other, right? More people should be told about your store. I don’t know how it took me so long to find you. I feel like somehow the universe has been keeping us apart. But that’s that and we’ve found each other, and that’s all that really matters. You are my people.


Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. I like puppets.

​Dude, thanks for the awesome letter. We’re so happy that you like out shop and your order! Please use these small alien hands to creep out your friends & family. We believe in you.

—Annie, OTW manager

P.S. Ohio isn’t as crappy as you’d think.

Off the Wagon Card and Alien Hands
Off the Wagon Card and Alien Hands

Respondent Website:
Off the Wagon

Points of Interest