Were you dropped on your head as a baby or something?

Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.

Dear One Fast Cat

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

​October 21, 2020

One Fast Cat
708 Via Alondra
Camarillo, CA 93012

Dear One Fast Cat,

I have a fat cat named Marbles and I would like her to lose some weight. I’d rather she not be shaped like a marble, but instead shaped more like a cat! I was thinking of getting her an exercise wheel like what you sell, so she could workout, but unlike a hamster, I think she’d be too smart to get suckered into exercising when there is perfectly good sunlight to lay in. She’s like me in that regard. I too would like to lose a bit of weight and was thinking of getting a treadmill, but that’s neither here nor there when it comes to Marbles!

Anyway, what I am afraid of is buying a One Fast Cat Exercise Wheel only to find out that Marbles will use it about as much as I would use a treadmill, and then I am just out the money and she’s still fat. As far as I know, they don’t have liposuction for cats, so she’s got two choices: Get on the wheel or stay fat! I’m guessing she’ll be content to stay fat. Now, it’s not that I can’t afford an exercise wheel, but I have to admit my primary reason for wanting a wheel would be to watch a tubby torty run herself thin, but I can’t even get her to chase a laser pointer for more than like 20 seconds.

It’s too bad you don’t sell really big ones, because then I could buy the wheel and share it with Marbles, and we could not use it together!

Anyway, if you have any dieting tips for the cat (or me) let me know. If you also could tell me how I could guarantee the cat would use your One Fast Cat Exercise Wheel then I would feel better about buying one. The treadmill is still up in the air.


Christopher L. Jorgensen

Points of Interest