Professional Idiot: Do Not Try This At Home

Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.

Dear Ridge Wallet

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

October 26, 2020

The Ridge Wallet
2448 Main St. Santa Monica
Santa Monica, CA 90405

Dear Ridge Wallet,

​Happy Halloween!

So here’s the thing. I have, and love, my Ridge Wallet. Problem is I never leave the house anymore. I couldn’t find my car keys if my life depended on them. I’m in here, and there’s a pandemic out there, so I am staying put. I wish more people would live by my example, but then this would probably be a bad idea in general. Anyway, I don’t have a need for a second Ridge Wallet. I mean, as cool as the Black Carbon Fiber 3K Ridge Wallets look, I’m not sure what I would currently do with it. I kinda sorta still want one though.

I could walk around the house pretending to buy stuff I already own. Or I could make up a takeout menu of the foods I like (and know how to make) and then I could pretend to pay for them, making sure to leave a big tip like I do for the lad who deliveries my groceries. But if I am going to do all this pretending, then I might as well just pretend I already out the carbon fiber wallet.

I have to admit, I feel like an agoraphobe these days. I just don’t leave the house. If it can’t be delivered through contactless delivery, then I am not interested. I’m doing this for selfish reasons. I want to stay alive. I’m also not interested in being the one who spreads disease to others, thus endangering them.

I’m sorry. You don’t need to hear any of this. You’re not my therapist!

Long letter short: I like the wallet I have and can’t wait to rejoin the ranks of crass consumerism once this pandemic is over.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen





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