Jackass Letters: When Psychotherapy No Longer Helps!

Take down requests and C&D letters will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza.

Dear Whataburger

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

March 5, 2020

300 Concord Plaza Drive
San Antonio, TX 78216

Dear Whataburger,

​I have the sadness that won’t go away. Recently a friend of mine was telling me about Whataburger, and it sounded good. So I decided to go to my nearest Whataburger and see what all the hype was about. I’m guessing you can guess where this letter is going based solely on my address, but there is no “nearest” Whataburger for me. This seems so unfair. What do you have again Iowa and the midwest? It seems wrong and a gross injustice that you have nearly 700 Whataburger locations in Texas and no one in Iowa. This makes no sense at all. You really should look into opening up a location near me. I like chicken and tots a lot and would probably be your best customer, though I do know quite a few people who also eat a lot.

You would have zero completion if you opened up a store in Ames, IA. We don’t even currently have a KFC or a Long John’s Silver. You could have a near monopoly on the chicken sandwich in Ames. We don’t have a Popeye’s either. The closest you are going to get in here as far as a competitor is Five Guys and who can afford to eat there? Besides, no one gets excited about that place. I am told the food there is mediocre at best and if I want food like that I’ll just stay home and cook for myself.

“No locations found within 100 miles” is one of the saddest sentences I’ve read in some time. I would travel farther for truly great food, but I kind of draw the line at the state line. Anything outside of Iowa is just too far to go.

I think you’d do well here. Give it a thought and let me know, ok?


Christopher L. Jorgensen

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