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Dear Coors

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393

August 15, 2011

Coors Brewing Company
P.O. Box 4030
Golden, CO, 80401

Dear Coors,

The other day my friend Anthony Imperioli was spouting off about how your talking nipple commercial sucks. I couldn’t tell if his clever wordplay was deliberate, but I thought any nipple commercial should suck since that’s what nipples are for (if you ask me)! But then he said, and I quote, “(it) is about as funny as a goat abortion.” That’s not funny at all (and I know!).

It was my suggestion that Anthony write you a letter to express his distaste for this sucking nipple commercial, but that boy has more than a lazy eye. In fact, every bone in his strapping young frame is quite lazy, so I doubt he’ll ever get around to writing you. I am taking it upon myself to write you on his his behalf. I think he went overboard with the goat abortion comment, but he wanted you to know how he felt.

I don’t think I’d worry about him too much though. I doubt he has good taste in beer and doubt he’d ever drink Coors. Besides, he’s Canadian and most people don’t pay them no never-mind.


Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. being American I haven’t seen this commercial, but I am quite sure Anthony is overreacting since he is often prone to hysterics.


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P.O. BOX 482
MILWAUKEE, WI 53201-0482

August 24, 2011

Mr. Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393-3042

Dear Mr. Jorgensen,

Thank you for providing your feedback regarding our commercials.

We appreciate receiving all comments in order to help us determine public reaction to our advertising efforts.  It also provides direction for future programming.  Please be assured that your comments will be evaluated by our Marketing Department.

Again, we appreciate the time you took to share your concerns with our company and want you to know that your viewpoint is very important to us.


[signed Cesar Falcon]

Consumer Affairs Department

Ref: Y20726716




Coors website:

Scan of the letter from Coors


Because I know you’re dying to watch it here is the Jean-Claude Van Damme funny as a goat abortion talking nipple commercial:

Yeah, pretend like you weren’t warned.

Eventually this letter will become part of “Jackass Letters: The Anthony Imperioli Letters.” If you have no idea what this means, that’s fine, since I don’t know either. Follow Anthony on twitter or check out his website or Nonna Maria.

By Christopher L. Jorgensen


Have a comment? Put a stamp on an envelope and drop it in the mail to:

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

Be sure to mention what letter your comment applies to. Adding some cash with your correspondence is a good thing. You can email me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) if you must.

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