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Dear Dr Pepper

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

November 11, 2011

Dr Pepper/Seven Up, Inc.
Attn: Consumer Relations
P.O. Box 869077
Plano, TX 75086-9077

Dear Dr Pepper,

I’ve always preferred Dr Pepper to Mr Pibb. 1. It’s better. 2. Mr Pibb is a bad knockoff.

I was reading the history of Mr Pibb and saw they originally called it Dr Pibb, but that was seen as a trademark violation so they had to revoke his medical license (figuratively) and call it “Mr.” That’s such a lame name Personally I find it a damn shame they were allowed to continue with such an obvious counterfeit beverage.

You can’t always find Dr Pepper on tap, which makes me a bit sad, but whenever this happens to me I just smuggle some in under my coat.


Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. At the first real job I ever had there was a Seven Up delivery man that only had one eye (the other was glass). We always said, “Bob’s got an eye on you!”

This site in book form. Buy it now!


PO BOX 869077
PLANO, TX 75086-9077
PLANO, TX 75024-3109


December 5, 2011

Mr Christopher L Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010-0546

Dear Mr Jorgensen:

Thank you for contacting us about Dr Pepper Regular.

We enjoy hearing from you and are especially pleased to learn of your satisfaction.  We will pass on your compliments to both our marketing department and our research and development department so they can be made aware of the great job they are doing!  P.S-We’ve also been known to smuggle the ‘Dr’ when he isn’t available.

We hope you continue to enjoy Dr Pepper Regular products.


Consumer Relations




Scan of the letter from Dr. Pepper.



This letter is nice, but it snatched defeat out of the jaws of victory. It took what would have been an otherwise boilerplate letter and personalized it with a reference to what I’d written, but then turned it back into the impersonal.

Call me old fashioned, but I like to interact with real people. “Consumer Relations” is way too clinical for me. If you don’t want to use an individual’s name then use your brand. After all, corporations are people too!


Jackass Letters

p.s. I went to the Dr. Pepper website and tried to make a fake shirt saying what I am. It wouldn’t let me use the word “jackass” and it wanted to know, “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” I don’t, but I do kiss Consumer Relations’ mother with it.

[Update: saw this on my 1/23/12 morning commute.]


By Christopher L. Jorgensen


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Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

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