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Dear Marc J. Randazza

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

October 13, 2009

Marc J. Randazza, PA
P.O. Box 5516
Gloucester, Massachusetts 01930

Dear Marc J. Randazza,

I loved how you took Glenn Beck to task and exposed him for the idiot he is. This was sheer brilliance! You, sir, are now my idol. This is a great and terrible thing, so I thought I’d write and let you know your responsibilities.

  1. You must keep on being awesome. Failure to do so will will only result in disappointment in my life and frankly I’ve had enough of this.
  2. You must send me an autographed photo for my shrine. I know this must be a common request for most lawyers, what with their adoring legions of fans and all, but for you it is a requirement. You can send the photo to the above address.
  3. There really isn’t a third thing, but two things makes a pretty short and lame list. Be awesome and the photo does pretty much covers it!

If you do this, I will light a candle in your honor whenever I am in a church that allows this (for at least the next year or until I find a new idol or you quit being awesome, whatever comes first). Also, I’ll let you defend me against Glenn Beck when he sues me!


Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. I don’t really have anything more to say, but I like post scripts.







[Editor’s note: Join the Randazza Society.]

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Marc J. Randazza, PA
P. O. Box 5516
Gloucester, Massachusetts 01930

October 21, 2009

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P. O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

Dear Christopher L. Jorgensen,

Thank you for recognizing my awesomeness.  I am pleased to accept your request to serve as your idol.  I will continue to be awesome to my best of ability, as I would not wish to disappoint you.  Your letter states that you have had enough disappointment, and as your idol I would like to use my awesomeness to push your life in another direction.  From now on, you shall have nothing but awesomeness in your life if I have anything to say about it.

I would like to request that you not light candles in my honor, at least not in any churches.  I am an atheist, and I think that churches are definitely not awesome.  If you light a candle in one (in my honor), and then it falls over and burns the church down, people might think that I put you up to it.  So lets be careful with fire, young Christopher!

You strike me as a very special boy and a key member of the Randazza Society.  I wish I could come visit in Iowa and assist you with your work.

Finally, I would not worry about Glenn Beck suing you.  He is an asshat, and by the time you get this letter, he will probably have already self-destructed like Morton Downey Junior.  Do you remember him?  Don’t worry.  Nobody else does either.

Your friend,

Attorney Marc J. Randazza
Dictated, but not read.

p.s.  There isn’t really a “Randazza Society,” but it sounds like a good idea to start one.  You are its number one and founding member.



Scan of the letter from Marc J. Randazza


It’s been said a joke isn’t funny if you explain it. The following is intended to take the funny right out of the above letters:

Some guy on Fark made a comment about Glenn Beck based on a Gilbert Gottfried sketch. Some other guy ran with this idea and made the website which made Glenn Beck cry. So Glenn Beck hired some lawyers. This made the guy with the website hire Marc J. Randazza. Marc wrote some kind of lawyerly thing that made me laugh.

Before Isaac Eiland-Hall’s website if a person used goggle (a popular search engine) to search for “rape and murder” I’m guessing Glenn Beck’s name never came up. Now it’s in the first page of results twice! Add in his name and you get over 300,000 results.

To take additional funny out of the letters it has come to my attention that Randazza’s letter is an homage to “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou” (search for the word “letter”). I haven’t seen this movie yet. I like Wes Anderson, but uncomfortable comedies make me uncomfortable.

In the end the joke is on Marc J. Randazza, since I too am an atheist, so when I offered to light a candle, in his honor, every time I was in a church, for the next year, it was because I knew I’d never have to! Ha ha ha!

Notice that Marc did not sign his letter. He’s probably trying to maintain some kind of plausible deniability. He’s still my idol. He did send me a signed picture. Here it is:


[Update: Isaac Eiland-Hall won his case and withstood Glenn Beck’s appeal. The information about this is all on the gb1990 website.]

[Update 2: After having won the rights to the site Eiland-Hall has given it to Beck: Dear Mr. Beck (PDF letter). It will be interesting to see what Glenn does with it.]

By Christopher L. Jorgensen


Have a comment? Put a stamp on an envelope and drop it in the mail to:

Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

Be sure to mention what letter your comment applies to. Adding some cash with your correspondence is a good thing. You can email me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) if you must.

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