An Unanswered Letter to Jehovah Witnesses

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

April 24, 2008

Jehovah Witnesses
25 Columbia Heights
Brooklyn, NY 11201-2483.

Dear Jehovah Witnesses,

I get a bit agoraphobic when your people knock on my door. Usually, I hide in the basement until they are gone (I do this for tornados as well). They usually leave a copy of the Watchtower, which are very informative, but obviously it’s been a bit hard for me to get my questions answered.

I have plenty of copies of your Watchtower, so don’t need anymore of these, but was wondering if you could send me something else or at least answer a few questions for me. Admittedly, a lot of my information on your religion comes from rumor and the internet, so I am doubting it’s completely accurate, but regardless I don’t know what to think about the following:

The internet claims you have a lot of members, but
few are going to heaven. What happens to the rest
of the poor souls?

Why do no smartly dressed and overly polite young
women knock on my door offering salvation? Think
about this. It would be a much more effective
recruiting tool, for guys like me, than the tools
in ties that usually knock at my door!

I’m not very religious, but I was wondering if
it would be OK if I dated a woman Jehovah Witnesses?
If so, can you send me the photos of a few of the
more attractive eligible ones?

Please reply by post. I suffer from trichinosis (from eating uncooked bear meat) and halitosis (from eating uncooked bear meat), so it would be best if no one was exposed to either of these.

Thanks,

Christopher L. Jorgensen