An Unanswered Letter to Vegemite

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393

December 7, 2009

Kraft Foods UK
Freepost SWC 3320
Cheltenham
GL50 3ZZ

Dear Vegemite,

I’ve long wondered if there is something better than cream cheese, and have found that cream cheese, while near perfect, can sometimes be made better. Cream cheese frosting, cheesecake, jalapeño poppers, or just strawberry cream cheese are all arguably as good as cream cheese all by itself. Cream cheese on a bagel is better than either of these things alone. While it is tempting to believe that one cannot improve upon perfection, cream cheese just proves it can be done.

Now, I admit, I am an American, so the idea of “iSnack 2.0” only interested me because it seemed like something Apple Computers would come out with. There was no way I was going to bother trying such a thing (especially since it wasn’t made by Apple), but I have to give your Marketing Department credit for getting it right the second time around. The name CheesyBite sounds downright American. I can imagine ordering a bowl of these in some Wisconsin diner. But sadly, in reality, I can’t, since it isn’t sold here.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect to like this CheesyBite. I had vegemite once and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever tasted (you don’t want to know what the worst was). But I am sad I can’t even try CheesyBite. I’m afraid I’m missing out on the best thing since sliced bread, and the awesomeness of sliced bread being improved by CheesyBite, but that’s ok, I’ve grown accustomed to a life of disappointment.

Maybe I can con someone on the internet to send me some.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

p.s. does the guy who approved the name “iSnack 2.0” still work there? Can I get an autographed photo of him?