An Unanswered Letter to Twinkies

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

April 18, 2008

Interstate Brands Corporation
12 E. Armour Blvd.
General Office
Kasas City, MO 64111

Dear Twinkies,

I recently had occasion to try one of your new tasty Banana Hostess Twinkies snack cakes. One of my coworkers asked me, “Can you believe a Twinkie has a shelf life of 10 years?” Well, frankly, no I can’t. At best I am thinking 7 years (but even this seems a little high). So what is the maximum acceptable shelf life of a Twinkie?

You’d be happy to know I found it to be quite good, but I do have one concern. It wasn’t until after I consumed your product that I took a look at the ingredients, and found that Twinkies contain “vegetable and/or animal shortening.” Well, which is it? If it does contain animal fat it really should identify the animal with a big sticker on the front saying “Contains cow: Do not eat if you are Hindu!” or “Contains pig: Do not eat if you are Muslim or Jewish.”

Do you see where I am coming from? I choose not to eat red meat and now I may have done just that. I’m not afraid of enteral damnation or hellfire or anything like those heathens I wrote about, but I do think people should be able to make informed decisions about what they are putting in their bodies. Speaking of which, what the hell is “Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate?”

So if you could let me know what I have eaten, so I can sleep better at night (or maybe even buy your product again in the future), I would appreciate it.

The Twinkies were $1.29 in case you were wondering.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen