An Unanswered Letter to Starly’s Spice Co.

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

May 11, 2010

Starly’s Spice Co.
Ivythorpe
Back Lane
Staveley, Cumbria
la8 9lr
United Kingdom

Dear Starly’s Spice Co.,

I’ve got a letter out to the FDA to find out what I have to do to get some “Satan’s Ashes” sent to me. I have a friend-of-a-friend that’s willing to send me some (since you guys don’t ship to the US), but she’s getting all confused by which forms are required for what. I’m guessing this is why you don’t just go ahead and sell to the US (that or you love Americans too much and don’t want to see your curry hurting any of us).

I ordered some Bhut Jolokia seeds from the The Chile Pepper Institute and they are germinating in my living room right now. I am not a gardener though, so am pretty sure that’s just $10 I’ve wasted. See, I can’t imagine this pepper can be so damn hot, and since you’re making it hard to get the curry I want, I just figured I’d cut out the middleman and make my own fresh!

Maybe you’re thinking you’re doing the responsible thing, keeping this weapons grade spice out of the hands of the ignorant, much like not allowing a monkey to play with a banana-flavored gun (or a baby to play with a regular-flavored gun), but I resent when others think they know what’s best for me.

Please reconsider sending your curry to those Americans willing to put their asses on the line!

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen