An Unanswered Letter to SmartyKat Catnip

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

December 7, 2009

SmartyKat Catnip
PO Box 3360
San Rafael, CA 94912-3360

Dear SmartyKat,

First off, I couldn’t give two tosses about SmartyKat Certified Organic Catnip, but my cat does, and insists I write this letter. Unfortunately, she can’t do so on her own (the lack of opposable thumbs and the whole brain the size of a walnut thing coming into play), but I have promised I will try to transcribe her thoughts as well as I am able.

I don’t want to speak out of turn, but after a long night with your nip, my cat seems to get the munchies something fierce. She has all of Iowa fresh grown catnip at her disposal, but insists on your product. I am guessing she considers the fresh stuff to be “ditch weed,” or “Iowajuananip.”

Anyway, after a session of SmartyKat Certified Organic Catnip, my cat INSISTS on Purina Cat Whisker Lickin’s Tartar Control Crunch Lovers - Crab, but the problem here is this doesn’t seem to be available anymore. So I am left with few options:

1. Do you have an underground source for crab flavored cat treats?
2. Could you let my cat know supply lines are beyond my control?
3. Do you make anything for people?
4. Is there a catnip treatment program I am unaware of?

Something has to give, and I am hoping it’s not me! The way things stand now I fear my cat will kill me in my sleep. I can only sleep with one eye open for so long. Please help!

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen