An Unanswered Letter to Transportation Security Administration

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

December 06, 2010

Transportation Security Administration
601 South 12th Street
Arlington, VA 20598

Dear TSA,

I think I have some solutions to the recent PR problems your agency has been experiencing. First, regarding the backscatter X-ray, I don’t get what people are upset about. I’ve looked at these scans, and calling them “porno scanners” is being disingenuous. I agree with Justice Potter Stewart in that I know pornography when I see it, and those pictures aren’t pornographic! The only people that should fear the backscatter X-ray are those Americans with little to be proud of. A true man would want a commemorative scan of his equipment! A real woman would be happy to flaunt her impressive cup size! No more will we fear false advertising or inaccurate measurements! $20 and you could whip out your copy of the scan and show you’ve got what it takes!

Next, it’s time to start an exercise regime at the TSA. Every time one of your operatives is on the news it’s always some embarrassingly overweight person that is nearly wide as tall! I realize that there is an obesity epidemic in the US, but that doesn’t mean they all have to get jobs at the TSA! Let’s do a few laps folks!.

Lastly, I hate to point out that it’s time for John Pistole to resign. He’s had a good run, and I want to congratulate him on his hard work. It takes effort to turn an agency like the TSA into the laughingstock of the whole world. You don’t get constant ridicule by sitting on your ass! There isn’t a country out there that doesn’t think the US is a bunch of crybabies with small penises thanks to the TSA. Even the Bushmen of the Kalahari are making fun of us with pops and clicks! It’s time to resign, to step down, to let some other guy take a beating for a change.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen