An Unanswered Letter to Valium

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

April 21, 2008

Valium
c/o Hoffmann-La Roche Inc.
340 Kingsland Street
Nutley, N.J. 07110

Dear Valium,

What would I have to do to get a sample of your product? I’ve been wanting to try it for some time, but don’t know what symptoms I need to fake to get Valium. I tried to look on your website to find out, but just got confused by all the choices of drugs.

A friend of mine says he can get me some from his mom’s dresser drawer, but if you’d ever met her you’d understand why I can’t get myself to take away even one of her pills! If any person on this planet has a need of your product it is her! She’s a total stressed out nutcase.

Should I just act like her when I go to the doctor? Or do you have a better suggestion? Of course, you could just save me the hassle and send me a sampler pack!

Write back soon,

Christopher L. Jorgensen