An Unanswered Letter to Seamus Dever

Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 546
Ames, IA 50010

February 14, 2012

Seamus Dever
“CASTLE”
c/o Pinnacle Public Relations
8721 Santa Monica Blvd. #133
West Hollywood, CA 90069

Dear Seamus Dever,

Happy Valentine’s Day!

My girlfriend is sad she didn’t get an autographed wedding photo. Can you correct this obvious oversight? Just send one to the above address, made out to, “[Redacted].” Say what you like after that. Write, “Dear [Redacted], sorry this wedding photo is so late, blah blah blah, love you, etc., Seamus Dever!”

[Redacted] spends a lot of time on your Facebook page. A lot of time. Whenever I look over I see pictures of you. She thinks it’s great you two are Facebook friends. Don’t worry, I’m not jealous. She can be Facebook friends with as many guys as she wants. I’m not insecure in my masculinity at all just because she want to keep up to date with your day to day activities. I would perhaps be jealous if she didn’t think I was better looking than you. “Seamus Dever may be hot,” she’ll say (often), “But he’s no Christopher L. Jorgensen!” See, I’ve nothing to worry about! You don’t wear paisley (my woman finds paisley hot), you look shorter than me (I think. I am 6’ 1.” How tall are you?), and I can eat a whole can of Ocean Spray jellied cranberry sauce in one sitting! Yum, yum, yum.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen